I'm Just Trying To Get Away

.|. Lesbian action!!! .|.

2006-03-28T11:45:00.000-05:00

So I know, it has been forever since I have updated.... I really haven't had anythign to talk about....

We are on spring break right now.. It is really boring and yeah... I have to work most of the days I have off... oh well.. more money I guess... lol... well until I get my prom dress... lol...

Anyway.... I have 3 cats now.. I swear that 2 of them are lesbians! They are both in heat and they are all over eachother! it is crazy!!! lol.... I dunno.. I am really bored!!! EAK!!!

Okay, that is really all I have for now.. sorry... i will try to update more often... lol....

Translation please...

2006-03-01T10:55:00.000-05:00

Wowza.. I really haven't updated in forever!!! lol sorry about that!!

I am really bored..I am in web design and I should be studying for my exams and stuff but I really don't want to...

We watched a movie in Photography today and it is really messed up.. Its called "Requium of a Dream" or something like that anyway... Its about the teens who are heroin addicts... They decide to start a "business" and sell it and make a lot of money and stuff... I dunno.. It was messed up... lol...

Okay, I really have to pee!! I just drank 2 Dr. Peppers in photography plus some water before school... lol.. EAK!! lol.. yeah.. I am gonna go for now though so yeah.. bye byes!!!

btw... in the tag box thing... Zach left a message saying "!hola! !Acabo de desear decirle eso te quiero!" ... when I translated it it came out like this "!hello! !I finish wishing to say to him that I want to you!" lol... wowza.... *confused* lol... Yup... going now.. byes!

.|. Once upon a fairytale .|.

2006-02-20T12:16:00.000-05:00

So people!! Whats up?!?!?! lol.. I am really bored!! EAK!!!

Yeah, so Sunday my dad came to church. I think he needed it... He is thinking about going with Aunt Deenee next week to Bubba's church too! Guess who else came to my church? Mason! Yeah, I knew about it the night before but still... It still suprised me... It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be and actually it wasn't really awkward at all...

Anyway, after service the youth had pizza then went to see Hoodwinked, which by the way is really funny... I liked it a lot! After that we all went ot the church adn hung out there till service started... Steven took Mason home when we got back from the movie... Up to that point everything was pretty good, better than I had expected... There are certain things that I know that some people probably think I don't know though... Like, things that happen that people try to hide and then ignore the fact that i am hinting that I know.... I am not that stupid people...

Night service, I almost fell asleep, actually... I did fall asleep... lol.. I was tired and stuff so yeah... After night service I went home.. Zach's mom wouldn't let him stay there for a little while so that made me mad because he didn't have school today... Guh... Umm... I was online for the remainder of the night pretty much.... I was pretty bored.. I was talking to my mom and Josh about my day... Mainly my mom but yeah...

Oh!! I got my car finally!! Although, now i have to get a license plate on it and stuff... It is REALLY ugly... lol.... It is also really complicated to drive I think... lol.... I like the lincoln better! oh well, I can deal with it... It is a car adn it runs... lol...

Okay, I think I am going to go now, I am bored and tired of writting and typing and stuff... so yeah.. bye byes!

.|. blackmail... you shall die... .|.

2006-02-17T12:12:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so there was a fight today at lunch between some gay (or bi not sure which) sophomore and a straight freshman... lol... It was kinda funny... I have no clue what happened, I just know that the lunch room got realyl quiet all of the sudden and everyone looked over and then the straight guy punched the gay guy in the face... Then the straight guy tackled him onto the table and was trying to hit him again but like 3 teachers ran over there and stopped it... The guy that was hitting the other guy got tackled to the floor by one of the teachers and the was hand cuffed and taken out... I don't know where the other guy went, he wasn't bleeding or anything though...

Anyway, that was the excitement for the day I guess... lol... I just finished my Geometry that is due next hour that I forgot about... lol.. I have a test next hour that I am not too confident in after doing the worksheet... lol... Oh well.. Umm... I really don't want to go to work today because I am really tired... I just wanna be lazy and do nothing... lol... Oh well, I guess that is all I can do to get money is work... lol... Um... Lets see.... what to talk about???

EAK!! BORED!! AND I HAVE TO PEE!!! lol... wowza... I will hold it till before 5th hour... I guess that works.. *I am sure you all really wanted to know that... lol* I think Chani likes taking blackmail pictures of me... Yesterday she had a picture of me tryign to hold someone's arms down so we could get a pic of them and then today she got a picture of me blocking my chocolate chip cookie with my hand and then my friend has his hand over mine trying to get the cookie or somethign and it looks like we are holding hands... lol.. *Curses to Chani* lol.. So yeah... lol... I shall never let Chani mess with my camera again, seh is going to end up getting me in trouble!! lol... *I LOVE YOU CHANI!* lol..

Yup, so I am still really bored.. There is STILL nothign to do.... EAP! lol... Hmmm today in lunch we were all talking about oral phone sex and how it was possible... lol... Don't ask! My friend said he had oral phone sex with his girlfriend for the first time last night... lol... I was trying to tell him it was still wrong and stuff but he kept defending himself.... He says he goes to church and he is a Christian adn he prays, reads the Bible, and all this stuff so he can't go to hell.... But yeah... That isn't true and I tried telling him that... but he wouldn't listen to me... I tried! And I will try again if he says something else about it...

*sigh* yup, very interesting day so far... lol.. i am curious to see what is going to happen at work tonght.. Gosh! lol... I dunno... I think I am going to go now so yeah... bye byes!!!

^-^ Missa ^-^

.|. Never want to leave you .|.

2006-02-15T11:07:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was SOOO awesome!!! lol.. I loved it! After school, and all the random running, we went to Shady Side and walked around and played on the playground (don't take that in the wrong way.... lol). After that we went to Fazolis and decided they were too busy so we went to Steak 'N' Shake. After that we went to get a movie (Meet the Parents) and watched it at my house.... Throughout the night we say like 3 or 4 wrecks or things along those lines and it was creepy... lol... Someone almost hit us because we were in their blind spot too... lol.. I dunno... Either way, it was a great night and I loved all of yesterday!!

I did end up calling my dad yesterday before we left for Shady Side... We talked for a little bit about random things... I invited him to church and he didn't even hesitate to say yes! He actually agreed to go! So yeah, I am supposed to call him later in the week to arrange things... He staretd asking me questions about mom and stuff.... I couldn't lie to him, it hurt to much to do so.... He started crying on the phone, which made me want to cry.... Yeah, it was kinda hard... But it was all good... I guess that was the only bad part about yesterday...

I slept alright last night.. lol... The bear that Zach got me was realyl comfy to sleep with! lol... It is big and warm and fuzzy (get your minds out of the gutter >: o !!) lol... But yeah, I didn't want to get up this morning because I was really comfy... I was hoping for a random mysterious weather change so there would be a 2 hour delay... lol... I hate Indiana weather!! It is supposed to be like 60 tomorrow and then it is supposed to be like 14 on Sunday!! GUH!! lol... Yeah, I am feeling really random right now... Not sure why but tis all good right? lol.. I think I am going to go now so yeah, buh bye yall!!

.|. Valentine's Day fun .|.

2006-02-14T10:50:00.000-05:00

Oh my gosh!!! It was the sweetest thing ever!!! Zach came to my school this morning. I didn't know he was going to come this morning, I knew he was coming after school... lol... So yeah, I see him and then we walk to our normal spot. He had a big stuffed bear, rose in a balloon heart, and a huge card sitting there for me. I about flipped! lol... I read the little part he put in the card and I wanted to cry! hehe.. It was so sweet!!! I love you Zach if you are reading this!!!! lol... It was fun... So yeah, then we walked into the lunch room to see fi we could find Tyler and one of the guys that like me called me over and was like "You know, he's just trying to get some... Do him a favor and give him some" lol... I was like "um... See the thing is, he respects me more than you, he isn't like that" it was kinda funny... So yeah... Today has been fun...

I have been texting Zach back and forth trying to figure otu a way to skip the rest of school but nothing worked... lol... So yeah... Oh well.. Now I only have 17.2 minutes left on my phone... I am going to have to get more and use it less... lol... I dunno... Anyway....

lol.. sorry... Grr!! I had a lot of stuff typed up on here then it went away! Oh well! I am not going to let it ruin my good mood! Gr!!! Zach came to our lunch!! lol... I should hurt him!! I was freakign out becuase I was afraid he would get caught... hehe... anyway.. I am going to go cause I don't want to type it all up again... so yeah.. bye byes!!!

Love yall!!!

.|. Away From The Sun .|.

2006-02-13T12:12:00.000-05:00

*sigh* I am tired and bored... nothing to do and i don't feel like working today... I want to just go home and sleep or just lay around or something... I just feel worn out and I don't exactly why... It isn't like i have done much... oh well.. Anyway..

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day *hint hint* lol... no.. j/k lol... Anyawy, I still hven't a clue what I am gonna get Zach, although it is tomorrow! lol... It makes me feel bad, yeah... it is mainly a girls holiday type thing but still.. I still feel I should get him at least SOMETHING... lol... Maybe I am just strange.... Oh who knows... lol...

Umm.. So what is up people?!?!? Extreme boredom here... Not much to talk about or anything..I am listening to music and stuff, during class... lol.. wowza.. yeah, so I am still on eof the only people done with my stuff and it was supposed to be done last week... lol.. That is sad... Ummm.... I think I am going to be done now... bye byes!!

.|. Dern people .|.

2006-02-12T21:45:00.000-05:00

Yup.. bored.. nothing to do.. I think I am going to update my site sometime soon.. lol..

Grrr.. stupid people have me scheduled for Wednesday adn I want to kill them!! lol... yeah.. that is really all I have for now...lol.. nothing really going on... so yeah.. byes

.|. One more day .|.

2006-02-10T10:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I am really really bored... Nothing to do!! This class is going to annoy me for the next few days because I have nothing to do... Oh well, I think I will survive... Hmm... I think that I may try actually writting something again sometime soon... I dunno... Maybe I will be able to write something.... Who knows! lol...

EAK! Bored!!! I am really tired... That is okay though because I have a reason that is good for once to be... I think being up late on the phone is a good reason when there is something that you are talkilng about that is important... Maybe it is just me though... Some people seem to think I am stupid for staying up late on the phone.. yeah oh well... They have no idea...

OH!!! Inspiration for a poem!!! lol.. I will write it some other time though... lol.... I don't know, don't ask... lol... I am really just wanting my be able to write again... I miss it... lol... I guess that is what happens when you get a job and things are different and you ahve less free time... Okay, that is all I am going to write on here... bye byes...

.|. Once in a lifetime .|.

2006-02-09T11:01:00.000-05:00

**yawn** I am so bored!!! HELP!!! lol... Eak... I think I need something to do... I could write notes but there is a computer right in front of me... Why write notes when I can be online?? Well, every site that I go to, other than this one pretty much... lol I was walking down the hall and someone said " I feel like a fag because I am walking down the hall covering my butt hole..." lol... it was funny... wow... I laughed... really... lol...

Hmm, what happened yesterday? Umm... Lunch was normal... umm... Geometry was normal... US History was normal... all boring stuff... lol... umm... After school Zach picked us up and we took Dawn to work then got some Rally's (which by the way was great)... Then we went back to Zach's house and hung out for a little while watchign tv... Max ended up calling and we had to pick him up so we did... Then we took Chani home. Zach and I just stayed at my house for a while watching tv, talking, and stuff... It was fun. At some point my dad called again, this time from my grandparent's house... He was calling to check on me again. I really do need to talk to him but I don't know when... *sigh* I dunno... Anyway... Zach didn't leave till about 11 and when he got home he got in trouble, imagine that...

I couldn't sleep well last night, I am not sure why exactly but yeah... I did not want to get up this morning.. I kinda just layed there forever and even when Zach texted me I read it then threw it back down and wen tback to sleep... lol... School has been normal so far I guess... Kinda really boring.. In second hour (photography) we went outside and now we are not allowed to go back outside anymore because a stupid person *cough*ChadBennit*cough* went into VP when we aren't supposed to go anywhere inside... So yeah... I am just glad that i already finished the project for the class... lol... Umm... Now here I am in Web Design being EXTREMELY bored and tired... lol... I think I am gonna go and write some notes now.. just because I feel just that bored with the internet.. lol.. bye byes!! love yall!!

^-^ Missa ^-^

.|. Another thing lost .|.

2006-02-08T12:24:00.000-05:00

ARG!!! MY MIND WON"T LET ME WRITE ANYTHING LIKE I USED TO!!! MY POETRY SUCKS NOW!! !NO LONGER CAN I WRITE LIKE THAT!!!!

lol... sorry about that... I am mad that my tallent died... lol.. I was jsut tryign to write somethign and it turned out horrid!!

.|. Just another day .|.

2006-02-08T10:58:00.000-05:00

So now I am the only one that is done in my Web Design class... most people aren't even done with the 3rd project.... lol... wowza people are slow...

I haven't been able to text anyone today because I haven't had time... and in photography we watched a boring annoying movie... Either way... I dunno...

okay, so I had a really long rant on here but I decided not to post it... It was about my dad and stuff... He called me last night and we talked for a few minutes.. He just wanted to make sure I was alright and stuff... so yeah...

We had a party in 1st hour... It was pretty fun... We had yummy foodness and stuff.... We jsut kinda sat around the whole time talking and stuff... It was kinda interesting I guess.... I dunno...

Wow... this is really kinda random... sorry... I don't know what to really post about so yeah..I think I am gonna go now... bye byes!!

.|. None Shall Pass!! .|.

2006-02-07T20:35:00.000-05:00

Yay!! So I found my license and I did drive to work... I did pretty good I think, I think I do better without people with me!! lol... lalala!!! lol. sorry... I am in a good mood, kinda tired but oh well... I think I will survive.... Oh!! And I work on Valentine's day, which sucks... So does Zach though so that makes it a little better....

I only work 2 days next week but I think that I will end up going in again, like I am Thursday... I dunno.... on to something else...

Umm... I think I am going to look for a new template for my blog so yeah... It will be something new... I am getting tired of this one, as are some of you....

Oh!! So we are having a party in 1st hour tomorrow, which I am excited about! Yeah... fun stuff... I also bought me some oreo yogurt stuff when I bought the chips for the party.... lol...

Zach and I did finally decide on a song, for those of you that don't know... We chose Amazed by Lonestar... We both decided that we liked the lyrics more in it... lalala!!!

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT!?!?!?!?!?! lol.. I am so bored and there is nothing to talk about!! There isn't church tomorrow and stuff because someone died and their showing is at the church tomorrow at sometime when service normally would be... ummmm So I think Zach and I are still gonna hang out, that is up to him though... lol... Not sure yet, he is still at work... Okay, I am bored with this now... bye byes!

♥ Missa ♥

.|. Oh happy days .|.

2006-02-07T11:14:00.000-05:00

*beep**beep* lol.. don't ask.. I am really bored... we have a half day today!! I am so excited!! lol.. fun stuff yo! lol.... wow... So I only have an hour and a half left of school... I am debating whether or not i want to eat lunch here or at home...hmmm. I dunno.. probably a little here and more at home... lol.. it is easier that way I guess...

Anyway... I haev no clue where my license is!! I was looking for it this morning because I am supposed to be driving to work but I can't drive to work without my license!!! EAK!!! lol... That really sucks... But yeah... I dunno... I guess I will survive...

I think I am having way too much fun with my cell phone.. lol.. I only have 112.7 minutes (sorry, "units") left on it... So yeah... I dunno... I should probabyl get going so I can finish my web design project... Okay.. bye byes!!

<-> Missa <->

.|. love of another kind .|.

2006-02-06T12:12:00.000-05:00

Eak! I still haven'y done my poster that is supposed to be due 5th hour (it is currently the end of 3rd)!!! lol.. I really can't afford to fail this project (although it is only 25 points and i am getting an A in there)... Oh well... Hopefully she will give me another day but I doubt she will. I well even settle for a letter grade off of it... eak! lol... I CAN'T fail this.... Oh well..

So I haev realized that I only get signal on my cell in 3 of my classes (1st, 4th, and 5th)... It kinda sucks... but oh well... lol.....hmm.. I kinda have a headache and I am not exactly sure as to why. It just kinda hit me all of the sudden out of nowhere... ladeda!! lol... hmmm... What to talk about.... I am getting that car by the way.. it is a goldish Dodge Diplomat and it is an 80 something... IT IS FREAKIN HUGE!! lol... It doesn't have a radio yet... But hey, the windows work(haha... sorry had to say it)!! teehee.... um... All I really have to say about the car is that it is a car... lol.. It gets me from point A to point B and that is all that matters... right? lol.. oh well, all is good...

I am going to get going now because yeah, I am in class.. lol.. (btw, I am the one that is the farthest through things.. there are only 3 people past Project 3, and yeah... I am halfway through Project 5 already.... teehee...) I may post later, actually, I most likely will. Bye byes!!!

-:- Missa -:-

P.S. I have no clue where the title came from... It just popped in my head for no apparent reason.... lol... So yeah... anyway... byes!

.|. So Unforgetful .|.

2006-02-03T10:55:00.000-05:00

ladeda! Wow... Things have been interesting since yesterday I think... Work was normal for the most part... I got David and Mike in The Game (which by the way, I just lost and I keep making Squishy in my photo class loose)... Umm... I learned the rest of grill last night at work too.. It was interesting... Umm.. I had my break with Zach... Ummmm..... Yeah, nothing else at work really.... I wen thome and realized that my cat is strange (well, actually, I already knew that but yeah).. After taking a shower I got online and talked to people... I figured out that I am a rather stressed person (lol. yeah.. news to me *sarcasm*).. lol.. umm... I stayed up on the phone till about 11 or something talking to Zach and yeah... that is about it... lol...

I didn't sleep well last night... I was tossing and turning. I woke up and my ear was killing me (my cartledge that is)... It felt like it was bleeding and it was throbbing... it made it complicated to fall back to sleep (it was about 4 something at that time). Umm... It still hurt wheh I woke up for school but it doesn't anymore... I have been so forgetful today, it feels like a Monday!! I almost left the house without my keys and I couldn't find them so I almost missed the bus... lol.. yeah, I am hoping that I didn't have any homework because if I did I didn't do any of it because yeah... First hour was pretty fun... We played a random crazy fun vocab game (thats crazy all in its self... me saying vocab and fun in the same sentence!!). It was kinda interesting... Rax - to extend the length of arms and legs (or something like that anyway).. lol... Yeah, so then I went to Photography class and it was alright. We only have 8 pictures out of 320 left for the portrait of Mr. Hunckler!! Um... We decided to do stop mostion pictures and stuff so we were showing random examples of it. Then I got a pass... I was confused at first (my forgetfullness for the day)... I then remembered that I had put in a pass for the counselor... I went and talked to her and she said that some people may be really stressed but some people deal with it better than others (I think personally that i am one of those people)... She also said that a lot of people with depression don't realize that they have it because they don't even think abotu it... They think they are fine because they don't see themselves as others do... (all this came from the fact that Zach keeps saying that I am stressed and stuff that he was worried about me so I should see my counselor so I did)... After I went back to Photography class we were makign the stop motoin videos and yeah... One of the people in my group decided to climb on top of the lockers.... lol.. We got yelled at by another teacher because we were being loud... lol... And now here I am in Web design...

I am on the last project in this class and everyone else is still in project 1, 2, or 3... out of 5... And I even play around ALL THE TIME in here.. I have even done most of the preparation things that we aren't required to do!! Gosh!! Lol... Anyway...I want it to be time for lunch....

I can't wait until tonight, it is going to be fun I hope.. No clue what we are doing but still... all I know is that we are going to go to Fazolis at some point.. And we are hanging out with Ryan at some point... So yeah... It will be fun either way... I wish I could drive though so Zach wouldn't have to come to Pendleton, back to Anderson, back to Pendleton, then back to Anderson all the time... Ugh! it makes me feel bad... lol... Either way.... I dunno...

You know, this is a really random thought but yeah, I found it suprising that Mrs. McCord actually knew my name... out of all the students she talks to, she actually does know me... lol... It was odd in a comforting way I guess... lol.. Oh well...

Anyway, I told you that was really random... lol... I think I am going to go do some of my labs... I may post more after lunch but not sure... I guess we will find out won't we!!!

-.- Missa -.-

.|. A bit "disturbed" .|.

2006-02-01T10:56:00.000-05:00

So yeah, I really need to change my template.... I think that this one is getting old... lol.. Yeah... So we have a sub again.. yayness.... lol...

In photography today we were talking about music and stuff.. we got on the subject of Disturbed and I was saying that they were satanic, or at least some of their lyrics sounded like it sometimes.... This guy kept telling me that they weren't.. I couldn't find the lyrics I was talking about... lol... It kinda made me feel stupid... lol... oh well.. it all works out in the end... hmm... *listening to the cd to try to find the song I was talking about* yeah.... anyway.... I keep forgetting to take the cd out of my purse... lol...

Anyway... (cd is skipping!!) I am really bored.... I think I have decided, after talking to Greg, that I am going to try to go see my dad sometime before he gets out of jail or whatever... Greg said that I need to talk to him because if something were to happen then it could only make things worse if I don't.... So yeah.... I don't know... I am kinda afraid to but I just think it will be hard to talk to him.... Especially after everything...

This I have already told Zach, I may have him come with me because I don't want to go alone... yet I do... I dunno... kinda confusing... Oh well...

On to something else that kinda annoyed me with the music/Disturbed talk between Andrew (guy form photo class) and me... He said "They believe in God and stuff"... Yeah, they may.... That doesn't mean they aren't satanic...Satan himself belives in God! I didn't think to say that then but if he says something to me about it tomorrow then I will mention that little fact.... Yeah, I could see how some of Disturbed's songs could be taken satanic and some could be taken as not (speaking good about God in some...).... The thing that made up my mind to make me think they are satanic is the fact that I went to X fest... I say them and heard what they said... If they were speaking of God and were actaully Christians then:

they wouldn't be talking about hating
they wouldn't cuss at least as much as they do at the concert ( I understand cussing being in their older music, people change)
they would at least try to make it more clear as to whether they were talking about God or Satan.
they wouldn't be talking good about rebellion (got that from the way he talked about the title of the cd at the concert)

Yeah, that is really all I have for now about this... lol... That was kinda fun... anyway, I am gonna go find something else to do now.. bye byes!

♥ Missa ♥

.|. I love the 90's! .|.

2006-01-31T22:48:00.000-05:00

So I got this thing in a bulletin on Myspace.. it is funny.. and so true... makes me feel old!!

Before the MySpace frenzy.

Before the Internet & text messaging.

Before Sidekicks & iPods.

Before MIKE JONESSS

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX.

Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night.

WHEN LIGHT UP SNEAKERS WERE KOOL

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs & paid $3.50 for a movie.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

Tag.

Get Over Here!!!! means something to you.

Hide-n-Go Seek at dusk.

Red Light, Green Light.

Heads Up 7 Up.

Playing Kickball & Dodgeball until your porch light came on.

Hopskotch.

Slip-n-Slides.

Tree Houses.

Hula Hoops.

Reading R.L. Stine's Goose Bumps.

The annoying Nano Pets & Furbies.

Running through the sprinklers.

Crying when Mufasa died in the Lion King.

Happy Meals where you chose a Barbie or a Hot Wheels car.

Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car.

Drinking Sqeeze It "Squeeze The Fun Out Of It"

Wait.

Watching Saturday Morning Cartoons in your PJ's still wrapped up in your Garfield comforter.

Hey Arnold, Doug, Rugrats.

The original Power Rangers

Or what about:

The Secret Life of Alex Mac.

Ren & Stimpy.

Double Dare.

Rocko's Modern Life.

AAAHH!! REAL MONSTERS.

Wild & Crazy Kids.

Clarissa Explains it All.

salute your shorts(CAMP ANAWANA)

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

The original cast members of all that.

Kenan & Kel.

doug.

magic school bus.

flash forward.

pete and pete.

legends of the hidden temple.

hey dude.

dinosaurs.

pinky and the brain.

blossom.

hangin with mr.copper.

wishbone.

bill-nye the science guy.

kablamm.

Who could forget Snick? & Nick @ Nite with Bewitched, I Dream of Jenie, The Facts of Life & I Love Lucy.

Where everyone wanted to be in love after watching The Wonder Years.

or nick jr. with face

gulah gulah island

little bear

under the unbrella tree

the busy world of richard scary

the adventures of winnie the pooh

Kool-Aid was the drink of choice.

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school.

Class field trips.

POGS

When Christmas was the most exciting time of year.

When $5 seemed like a million, & another dollar a miracle.

When you begged to go to McDonalds for dinner everyday.

When Toys R Us overuled the mall.

Go back to the time when

Decisions were made by going 'eeny-meeny-miney-moe'.

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming 'do over!'

'Race issue' ment arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was banker in 'Monopoly'.

It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

A chance to skate as a couple at the local roller rink was like winning the lottery.

Scrapes & bruises were kissed & made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enought to ride the 'big people' rides at the fair.

When playing Nintendo was the hardest thing ever.

When Ninja Turtles ruled the world.

When Lisa Frank was the raddest thing ever.

When a candy bar at the grocery store was the highlight of your day.

When coupons collected all year could get you a prize in your class auction.

When the only thing you cried over was your mom being late to pick you up.

When stress was addition and subtraction.

When friendships were as complicated as who's house to sleep over and who's to TP

When shaving cream was just meant for play.

When a first kiss only lead to cooties.

When valentines day meant cards for all.

When birthdays were a class event.

When a friend moving away was the saddest day of your life. (Yeah, that's still no good)

who would have thought youd miss the 90's so much

Post this in your bulletin only if you remember these days

Yeah... so that is fun.. anyway.. gotta go now. byes!

.|. Kiwii is yummy .|.

2006-01-31T12:09:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I am printing like 20 pages of work for this stupid web design class!! lol... For each project.. there are 5 and I have to do... I just finished the 4the one... lol.. ha... Thats funny.. I am almost done with this section of it all and I will probably be done before everyone (except maybe Jeremy).. Who knows though... Wow.. only 5 weeks or so left in this trimester!! I will miss Photography and this class!!! lol.. eap! lol.. wow...

Anyway... So Zach read my entry last night and we talked about it all till about 11 something last night... So yeah... It seems to me that Justin and Jericka's situation helped Zach and me realize that we need to communicate more.. Yeah, we talk a lot but it is different (I like what Renee said, "You guys are always lip-locked, that is communication, you can tell a lot of emotions from that!" lol... sorry random though... lol. it was soemthign like that anyway)... Communication in a relationship is more than just talking about whatever, it is discussing emotions and what is bothering you.. It is trying to help eachother through the hard times... It is being there when they need you the most... It is trust and confidentiality... You can not have successful relationship without communication!! lol..

Yeah, that is my rant for the day... I am bored right now... I am also wishing I had my camera back!! I need it back ASAP!!! lol... I am dying without it... Oh well, I will survive... Yall know now that when I get it back I will treat it like it is a baby... lol.. I will not let it get out of my sight!! I may try to find a case for it so I don't have to always carry it in my purse... I think that would be a good idea...

Still no news on the car... I need to know what is going on with that.. lol... I haven't heard from my mom or grandma about it so yeah... I guess I will probably find out this weekend when I see my mom next...

EAK!! bored... lol... I am going to go now, becuase there is nothing else I have to write here.. I just know that I have to write Zach a long note sometime today or tomorrow before we see eachother next. fun fun !! lol.. wow.. there is a random screachign meow that came from the computer beside me!! HELP!!! lol.. Anyway.. bye byes for now!

.|. Communication is everything .|.

2006-01-30T21:20:00.000-05:00

I just realized that I have a lot of draft (unfinished, unpublished) blog entries... lol... Oh well.. Anyway, that is not what my entry is really about... lol....

I read Zach's blog entry tonight and I was thinking about things... Most of my relationships have failed because there wasn't enough communication... (my cat just ran across the kitchen and ran/slid into the stove!!!) That is what happened with Mason and Josh mainly... We just kinda let it go for too long with out communicating what we felt about things, we never talked about when something was bothering us or when feelings were changing... I lost people that meant a lot to me through not communication and I can't let that happen again... I love Zach with every thing in me and I don't want to loose that again... I can't stand to see the ones I love get hurt and I would hope that he knows that I would NEVER hurt him intentionally...

My main thing about the communication thing is part of my trust thing... The first person I ever really opened up to was Mason... He was the only person that I could talk to about anything and everything and not feel stupid, embarassed, or ashamed... I knew that he wasn't perfect and he knew I wasn't.... He was the fist person that I ever trusted with EVERYTHING, even my life... But I started to trust him a bit to much and things happened that shouldn't have (only some of you know of what I am speaking...). From that point on I have slowly started to close up and keep things bottled inside because I was kinda afraid that people would figure out what happened and somehow it would get to my mom and dad... Or even my friends... I was ashamed of what I had done and I didn't trust anyone, especially any guy or myself... I got to the point where I just locked everything inside and I couldn't express what I felt to anyone, not even to him anymore... That is what ruined us... Then when it came to relationships after that, I wasn't trusting them, I always figured that every guy has somethign to hide and they will be just like him... I lost faith in myself and others, causing my self-esteem to go way down and it made me more self-concious... Now that I have found someone that means more to me than any one else I know (Zach), I don't want that to happen again... I have figured out that I can't let communication be the thing that holds me back from having a relationship that means a lot to me... I can't loose something that means that much to me again, I couldn't live with it...

Yeah, I could put a lot more but yeah... I am probably not going to just because there are certain things that I wnat to say just to Zach.. so yeah.... I will post tomorrow.. bye byes!!

.|. From the sky .|.

2006-01-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

Okay people I want to start a new story.. my last one that I started I never finished... (http://fromthedepthofmysoul.blogspot.com/) is the link for my old one.. If you think I should finish it or fix it up or whatever then let me know... If you want me to start a new story then give me some things to write it about and I will think about it.. I am in teh mood to write some stuff but I have lost my ability to write poetry (or inspiration shall I say)... So yeah... thanks yall!!

.|. Time management is the key to success! .|.

2006-01-30T11:21:00.000-05:00

Eak! boredom! Once again we had an IBC (Indiana Business College) representative to come and talk to one of my classes... I have seen these people about 40 billion times in the past year ( a little exaggeration lol)... This time she is talking about time management! Anyway...

I haven't posted since Friday, sorry... I know I am slow at updating sometimes... lalalala... Anyawy... I have been doing pretty good since Friday... I have decided to just ignore anything that bothers me about my parents though... I am just going to block it all out and act as if it is normal... I guess that is the only way... My mom knows what bothers me but she still does it... And my dad, well.. He thinks that I want nothing to do with him.. Not true, I want him to be the father he needs to be... He can't do that through jail though... Him and his stupidity... Oh well..

I have been told that I need to change the template because it messed with their eyes... I may, depending if I find one i like... lol... *I don't wanna work tonight! UGH!!* <----random thought... Hmm.. about 5 minutes till lunch... yay! lol.. I want food...Food is good... yum... lol.. wowza... ummmmmm.....

Random good news *hopefully*! I may have a car! lol... Yeah, so my dad had a car at my uncle's house and he won't be able *lunch!! Time passes* to drive it for a while because he will be on probation... So my grandma was going to try to talk him into letting me have it or letting me drive it till he can drive again... It is a goldish Dodge of some sort... my mom said it was about the same size as our Lincoln. I dunno..

GRRR!! Lunch was alright today, other than the fact that I found out that Justin broke up with Jericka and then someone was trying to take my brownie then they put ketchup on my light green hoodie... Guh! I wanted to hurt him... I can't get the ketchup to come out of it right now.. I swear if it doesn't come out tonight when I wash it then I will seriously be really mad at him... *sigh*...

Anyway.... I dont know what else to type about really... nothing is really going on... I just know that I have to try to help find a prom date for Jericka and Dawn both... Fun stuff... lol... hmmm.... I dunno I think it will be alright... I think we can find someone for both of them, as long as they both ( and Andrew) all agree to it... lol... I dunno...

I think I am going to go now because I am bored and there is nothing else to write on here.. I will find something to do for the last 20 minutes of class I guess... byes!

Much love!
Missa

.|. Tragedy awaits you... .|.

2006-01-27T06:45:00.000-05:00

I have decided to make up my own fortunes, after they happen... Hence the title.... Okay, let me explain... Yes, yesterday was a GREAT day and I hadn't a worry really... Well, the only bad thing that happened last night was the fact that Zach's mom has been having bad migranes and the doctor told her to go to the hospital if she had them within 2 weeks, which as far as I know she didn't go last night although it was within the time.... Well, that is the only thing that happend last night..

Then this morning around 4 I hear a banging on the door. I was thinking "oh, its only Chani.. I must be behind!"... Well, I came in here and Bob is on the computer... He answered the door and there were 4 or so cops at the door.... I about flipped!! They asked for my mom and she was sleeping but Bob woke her up... They started asking her questions about my dad and where he may be. Then they told us that he was involved in an accident by Maple Ridge about an hour before (meaning around 3). He had hit a power line pole thing and they said that the car was practically on its side... He wasn't in there when they got there so that is why they came here... We told them to check a few places around the area and stuff... I have no clue what condition he is in after the accident... I can only hope that he was wearing his seat belt... I know for a fact that he was most likely drinking and on his medication, since he was out driving at 3 in the morning on a work night! So obviously he was well enought to walk... but then again, he could have been in bad shape and just had adrinallin (drinking does that to you) and that could have given him strength... Chances are, if they find him then he will most likely go to jail and loose his job... Yeah that is just what we need... A father that doesn't do much to support us (or even just me for child support), that is in jail, that is a freakin drunk and addicted to his freakin medication!

*sigh* I must say that I didn't get much sleep last night... 10 minutes seemed like an hour... It took me forever to fall asleep again... I am guessing since they didn't call back that he is alright but still... I dunno... Everythign will be alright, right? Well, I should finish getting ready for school now.. bye bye...

Love you all!
Missa

.|. Diamonds are a girls best friend .|.

2006-01-26T12:28:00.000-05:00

Hmm... I just got to school at 11:40 or so... lol.. yayness!!! I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!! WOOOO!!!! lol.. yeah.. that is really all this entry will be about.... I am so EXSTATIC (sp???)!!! lol... Hmm... I didn't even have to parallel park! (thanks Zach for helpin me though) YAY! lol.. wowza... I think that is really all I have to say.... yeah.. so bye!

P.S. lol.. the title is random.. lol.. it jsut popped in my head because I remembered Moulin Rouge and yeah.. now I wanna watch it and yeah... lol.. byes!

.|. Cherry Pie! .|.

2006-01-25T22:42:00.000-05:00

My dad jsut left not too long ago... yeah.. it was awkward... We just randomly kinda talked abotu random things... He wished me luck on my test tomorrow.. and I mentioned that I was gonna go to prom this year... I don't know... He seemed kinda out of it, as if her had been drinking but it was all good... THANK GOD I HAD THE INTERNET AND ZACH'S PHONE TO KEEP ME OCCUPIED!! lol.. Yall have no clue how awkward it was for me... lol...

Anyway... I am freakign out about the test tomorrow!! EAK!! lol... oh well, I am sure I will do fine.. lol.. kk.. I am gonna go now.. byes!

Much love!
Missa

.|. Its a wonderful day in the neighborhood .|.

2006-01-25T10:46:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was pretty fun I guess... Rather uneventful until we went shopping... Umm... I found some more dresses I liked (none of which are pink so I won't make Zach wear any pink... lol). They were all cheaper than the one I wanted from Vintage Collection and in better shape! lol.... yeah.. so anyway... I am really tired because I have been really hyper for the past 2 days and I have had nothing to do with the energy! EAK!! lol.. So now my head hurts. In photography Zach (Squishy, not my boyfriend Zach) came up behind me and started massaging my head and my head ache went away for a little while.. lol... It was kinda odd... Who knows, photography class is an interesting experience I guess... Btw, Mr. Hunckler wasn't as hyper today as he has been all week... And Chani is trying to go home this hour, I guess I will find out what happens at lunch... hmmm.... Lets see... if she comes to lunch and I don't see her on my way to the main hall after 5th then we are most likely just leaving her!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!! No not really, I am not that mean... lol... Although, it would be nice to have some time without her and Carl.... lol...

Hmm... I was thinking, my mom is SUPPOSED to come with Chani, Allison, and me to DEB Saturday to help me look at the prom dresses... If she isn't going to come, I may try to talk Chani and Allison into letting Zach come... After all, it wouldn't be considered a "mother-daughter" day if my mom isn't there... And Nate came with us last night to help Chani pick out her dress... Wouldn't it only be fair if Zach came if my mom didn't come??? lol... sorry, my little reasoning I guess is strange...

Yeah so anyway, the only reason I am typing so much today is because we have a sub in here so he doesn't know what we are doing and so we can get by with whatever!! YAY!! lol..

I don't know if I posted this before but Sunday morning Pastor Chris told me he wanted me to write something (as in poem or story) to put on the monthly teen news letter... EAK! lol.. I don't write much anymore but I told him I could try something... It would be nice to start... I mean, after all I do want to get into journalism of some sort... It would be a good experience I guess...

Anyway... I am really bored! There is nothing left to talk about really... So I think I am gonna go for now, I may post after lunch.. bye byes!!

Love you all!
♥ Missa ♥

.|. Pretty dressness!! .|.

2006-01-23T19:00:00.000-05:00

Hehe... I just got back from prom dress shopping... lol.. Chani wanted me to go with her because she wanted to get a dress for Sweethearts dance at Nate's school... So I looked at the dresses they had and I found one that I like a lot... It fits me really well too (other than the fact that my boobs are a bit small for it but that I can fix witha push up bra!)... lol... The problem with it is that it is $283!! There were beads coming off so the lady said she would give it to me for $200... I am about to call my dad and tell him to at least help me buy it... and maybe ask my mom to help a bit too... If we all 3 split it then I would only have to pay about $67.,... plus accesories, make-up, and hair (and Chani wants me to tan... and I MAY get my nails done).... If I had a pic of what the dress looked like I would show you but I don't unfortunately....

ANYWAY!!! About Friday, I can switch someone and ask Dave not to schedule me one day next week that they schedule whoever takes over for me... YAY! lol.. I really hope I can do that... I am gonna ask Renee' to switch me and if she can't I am gonna ask Chasity or something.... Hmmm....

What to talk about now..?? SO BORED!! lol... anyway.... I think I am gonna go now cause I am bored so yeah.. .byes!

Love yall
Missa

.|. Extreme boredom! .|.

2006-01-23T12:13:00.000-05:00

The Crave thing was alright. I was kinda really bored though cause there was barely anyone that I knew there... After the Crave though Zach met me at the church after it was over and we went to get a movie (Wedding Crashers... it was a pretty good movie) and then went back to my house. lol... Yeah, so Zach didn't end up leaving my house till like 2 or later.... lol... It was kinda funny other than the fact that I was afraid he would get in trouble by his mom. Ummm... On Sunday Zach picked me up for church (his mom woke him up around 6 or something to go to Walgreens to get her perscription so he only had about 3 hours of sleep). I was kinda out of it at church... lol... It was kinda fun... After service we went back to my house so I could get ready for work. Guess who was there, Josh... Of course... Guh.... I don't like him being there at all.... I don't like her jumping into a relationship like that either... I dunno... Anyway... Work was alright... We had an order for 35 hamburgers.. lol... that was kidna crazy if you ask me... Umm... Zach picked Carl and me up from work and we went back to my house then to church. We got there with a little bit of time for the last of drama practice... It was kinda fun. Umm... Randy actaully came to church! Btw, he has the "first week of turning 21" desease. Service was alright, minus the fact that Zach had a headache... lol.... Umm... The rest of the night was pretty eventless....

Umm.. I am really bored right now... I don't want to be here at school... I just wanna go home!! lol.. I am in the end of 3rd hour and it sucks! I want it to be the end of 5th hour!! UGH!!! lol.... There is a girl in front of me that is sleeping in computer class... haha.. that is funny... EAP!! lol... I really kinda need to go to the library because I have to find a book for Etymology...

Yup... really nothing to talk about right now so I will go... so yeah... byes!!

♥ Missa ♥

.|. Grrrness .|.

2006-01-21T18:04:00.000-05:00

Today has been better I guess... The meeting was kinda annoying... I dunno, I kinda found it depressing... The video they showed us makes me mad because the way the parents reacted to the stuff is nothing like it really is... They had 2 classes in one..> Really there was only supposed to be 3 people in my class including me... They are supposed to seperate the teens from teh kids but they didn't. Out of the kids (ages 5-13), there were abotu 10 or more together, only 2 or so were older then 7... That is sad.. Out of the 3 teens, there were 2 that were 14 adn of course I was the only 17 year old... Yeah... It sucked... Either way, my point is that the video was telling kids that their parents would respond positively when they confront them abotu how they feel... Usually they don't though... I dunno...

Anyway... Other than the class today my day has been alright... I have just sat around watching tv and stuff... lol.... Yeah.. Now I am about to go to Bubba's Crave thing at his church.... It is gonna be pretty fun I think... Maybe it will get my mind off of things for a little while... Who knows... I don't know why it is hitting me so hard lately... It just is.. I think I will deal with it though..

I should get going before my ride gets here.. byes!

.|. Butterfly Kisses .|.

2006-01-20T19:46:00.000-05:00

I know, my 3rd entry today... this one actually has a point though, although, it is another in depth thing... Sorry, I have had too much time to to think...

I have realized why I hate being home alone for long periods of time with nothing to do... It isn't because I am scared or whatever.. It is because I have too much time to think about things... I started thinking about the divorce again, then I started thinking about my dad and how much of a jerk he has been for the past who knows how long... Then "Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle came on... I started crying because it reminded me of way back when... When I was a little girl and didn't understand anything.. He also didn't drink as much at all... I miss those days.. When I was a "daddy's little girl"... It really hurts me to think that my dad is pretty much not having anything to do with Bobby anymore unless it benifits him someway... I know that it must hurt him to see us because he then thinks of mom, but still... He should still want to see us and spend time with us... I guess I didn't start crying to the song until the end when it starts to talk about his daughter getting married... I guess my worry is that we won't even be close enough to walk me down the aisle when I get married... Or that I may totally loose him as a father... Yeah, I say I hate him sometimes but still... I really don't, I love my dad, it is just I hate who he has been within the last 5-10 years.... Yeah, that is a majority of my life but still... I don't know... I just think that sometimes I wish things were like they used to be when I was younger.. When the biggest issue was a scrapped knee or something... Not divorce or loosing a father.... See, this is why I hate being home alone for long periods of time when there is nothing to do and I am already in an emotional mood... I think entirely too much and I think about the past and the future...

Anyway, I promise, this should be the last entry for the day... byes!

Love you all!

Melissa

.|. New site! .|.

2006-01-20T18:26:00.000-05:00

http://www.sitesled.com/members/dreamergirl135/index.html

^^That is my new site yall!!!! Check it out and bookmark it!! lol..^^

.|. Whatever comes to mind .|.

2006-01-20T17:15:00.000-05:00

So I did good on my photography test and summary!! I was relieved when I discovered that!

Okay, so I am really bored... This has to be the most boring half day ever!! Although, I did figure out how to fix my new site (I will inform all of you when I get that up.. I will also have the link on my old site). Yay! lol.. anyway, right now it is uploading my files and stuff so it may take a little while...I am still discovering new things about it so yeah, I am trying to make it more interesting!! I am getting there... lol.... yeah.. right...

Tomorrow I have that court ordered meeting thing and I really don't want to go. I hate all of this... It is really starting to bug me. It is strange for me when people know there is something bothering me because I never let it out and I never show it, and lately I haven't been able to hide it when something is bothering me... Either way though.. I guess it is a good thing, it helps me I guess.. Either way!! lol... Guh, I just want all of this stupid divorce stuff to be over because it is really stressful and makes it hard to concentrate on things that I should concentrate on... I always knew it would be hard when we went through it but I didn't think it would really be this hard... At least on me.... Those who know me really well know that I usually deal with things really well and better than some people do... But with all of this stuff going on my mind strays... For example, I am not as close to God as I used to be because I have let this get to me so much. I have let this all build up and have somewhat blamed it on myself (although I know it isn't my fault). My attitude has been worse and I have said things I normally wouldn't say... All this and more just drags me down. I try to get back up but it isn't seeming to work for me. Don't get me wrong now, I love God with all my heart and I can't live without Him... I don't mean to let these things get in my way, but the devil has just taken advantage of the fact that I am already down... I guess all I can do is pray and have others pray for me...

I really don't know where that came from, it just kinda popped out of my head and I just kinda let my mind take control of my fingures to type whatever came to me... I don't know if you guys like my little random in-depth entries that sometimes don't make sense but yeah.. This is one of them I guess... I have been putting things like this a lot in my written journal and I figured I would let my mind go free on this. After all, it is a journal as well...

I really can't think of anythign else to type because there really isn't anything else on my mind that I feel like putting down because I am sure that you don't feel like listening/reading about how I am feeling when it comes to all this stuff...

I think I am going ot go ahead and go and find somethign to do now... Bye byes!!

I love you all and thank you all for being there to listen to me!
*Missa*

.|. Fun stuff .|.

2006-01-19T17:36:00.000-05:00

Well, well... lol, don't ask.. I am odd... *note to self, check out Gary Jules*. Anyway... I have been just randomly looking at photographs by Andre Kertesz and I have realized that I like to look at random photographers' works! lol.. I will post some of Kertesz's stuff towards the end of this entry probably... lol... wow... Chani is being odd and just kinda looking really strangely around....lol... ANYWAY!! I am so bored!!! lol... Okay... yeah... too boring.. I am gonna go look for a theme... or maybe work on my site... figure out why I can't get it to work right... lol...

Not sure what the name is

Wandering Violinist

Not sure what the name is

Eugene

Transport

Forget the name of this one

.|. I swear I would kill her!! .|.

2006-01-19T10:58:00.000-05:00

Woo! Web Design! lol.. Anyway. I think I totally died on my Photography test... lol... yeah... Ugh, I was about to want to KILL Renee' today in 3rd hour. I came in and the first thing Tiny says is "Renee' is going out with Ryan." I was confused and I looked at him strangely... "Yeah, She is going out with Ryan now.." He said soemthign after that and I thought he said "She is going to break up with Carl and stuff" But really he said "She called Carl last night and broke up with him and now she is going otu with Ryan"... I was confused for a second cause Carl came with Zach today to bring us to school and stuff so yeah... Tiny then said "Darn it! You caught me" I was mad and stuff and Tiny looked at me odd cause I said that if that was true I would be the living sh** out of her and he had never heard me cuss before... lol... Yeah... I was mad... I was like "I rarely cuss, when I do I am really mad about something and Renee' is one of those people who sparks it for me..." lol.. It was funny to see the look on Tiny's face...

Anyway.... I am bored and I think I am gonna go do some more of my Web Design assignment so maybe I can remain ahead of everyone and get done before everyone else!.. byes!!

.|. Right.... .|.

2006-01-13T10:45:00.000-05:00

Ha! Was that entry long enough for you??? Well, I may not post as much today... We don't have a sub today so yeah.. Either way, today is going by pretty fast actually... In first hour we had to do a book report thing... woohoo... It was kinda fun though.. I dunno... It was about 2 pages long, written and in pen... lol... Okay, brb.. I think we are taking a quiz... lol..

about 10 minutes later...lol.. ANYWAY!! Today is going by really fast!! And I just realized that today is FRIDAY THE 13th!!! lol.. Actually, my day is going by rather fast so I think I am enjoying that.... UGH!! My hand really hurts... I was writting my in-class-book-report thing and my hand started cramping up and then my hand started to shake.. grr... And it still hurts and it is still kinda shakey... Hmm... Anyawy....

So I just got back from lunch and it was alright I guess... It was kinda fun too I guess..lol. I dunno... don't ask.. I am odd... I think I am gonna go ahead an go now so yeah.. bye byes!

.|. My random thoughts for the day .|.

2006-01-12T11:11:00.000-05:00

*WARNING*
-This entry has a little bit of anger in it... towards a certain whore that I really dislike right now.... Don't be alarmed if there are rather mean words in here...lol...

- This entry also gets to be rather long and personal too...

We have a sub in web design today! yay! lol.. we are all pretty much doing nothing.. woo! lol..

Anyway, yesterday we went to Zach's house after school and hung out there the rest of the day pretty much. We helped him paint his room for a while then we went downstairs and watched some of a movie. After that we painted some more. After we finally finished his last wall we went to Harvest. Carl and Renee *cough*whore*cough* had been talking and Carl looked EXTREMELY upset, he looked like he was about to cry... Well, Renee told him that her mom is tryig to get them to break up pretty much I guess and Carl was really upset about that... Well, you see, the thing is, it was Renee's MOM that wanted her to give her class ring to him.. It was Renee's MOM that let her get Carl all this stuff for Christmas... To me it seems like her mom likes Carl... At the beginning of the week she was talking about how she MIGHT break up with him because he was "too immature" for her... Yeah, well now she is saying her mom doesn't want them to hang out.. Coincedence? I think not... GRRR!! Seeing Carl like he was last night hurt so much and it made me want to slap that fucking bitch in the face! We tried watching Legally Blonde to make Carl laugh some, which he did, and I found a quote that I absolutley LOVE!

Vivian (I think that is her name anyway): "Nice outfit..."
Elle: "Oh I like yours too, excecpt when I dress up as a frigid bitch I try not to look so constapated!"

teehee.... I love it!!So yeah, Zach said he is gonna try to talk to Renee tonight and tell her to talk to Carl about this stuff... Okay, so we didn't go to church last night so we could try to avoid some drama but that didn't work I guess...

Anyway!! On to something else other than stuff about that stupid whore.... lol... After taking Carl and Chani home Zach and I hung out at my house... We kinda lost track of time and his mom called his cell and we realized that it was 11 already... His mom was kinda yelling at him and stuff so yeah, he had to leave realyl quickly so he could beat her home. He was supposed to text Dawn or call Chani to tell them what happened and stuff but as far as I know he has yet to do so.... I am kinda worried and I feel bad because it was partly my fault.. ugh... Yeah, so that was some other drama last night... lol...

Umm... I woke up this morning and got online after getting ready for school and checked my e-mail... nothing too exciting... I realized that Zach had posted a blog on Myspace and I was hoping it was from last night or this morning about last night.... It wasn't of course, but it was all good stuff! It was from yesterday afternoon after his appointment and stuff so yeah.. It is good to know that he is actually happy... I know that most people can't tell when I am acting, and sometimes that is good and sometimes it is bad... I guess I am the same way as him though.. Before we started going out I had a huge mask on making everyone think I was alright and making everyone think that I was happy. No one knew the difference between my mask and reality... Well, now I don't have to act. I am actually happy now and I don't have to lie to people telling them I am alright when really I am torn up inside and I need someone to talk to... Yeah, I am having a hard time dealing with this divorce, but I am alright enough to get by, people know that it is hard for me but none of that is really messing with my everyday life... Nothing makes me happier right now than to be with people who love me, people who care about me, people who actually want me around... And with Zach and some of my friends I feel that way lately...

I think I really like having these blogs...lol... It is easier to express myself here... I can put anything down and it helps get rid of the frustration, hurt, anger, pain, and so on... I can delete it any time I want and I can let whoever I want see it, and only those people... Things like this helps me in huge ways because I am not the type of person to talk to people about anything, even if I know them really well and they are one of my best friends... I can't always express how I feel sometimes in physical words because I get scared and hold things back and worry about what they will think... I can see their expressions if I tell them.. Here, I can't see what their expressions are and I can't tell if they are upset, touched, or dissappointed... People don't say thigns in here as much either, if I was to talk to someone about some of these things then I know they would say something and be disappointed or whatever....

I don't know where the previous 2 entries came from... lol.. I guess they kinda just popped in my head because of this extreme boredom and all this free time in here to do whatever I want pretty much... lol... ummm.... *random thought* I have been thinking about going back to writting poetry again... I am not sure why but It seems like it would be a good thing to do.. I have been told I am a good writter and that I should write more.. So yeah...

OH!!! Another random thing that is making me really mad... The screen on my digital camera isn't working!! I turn on my camera (no matter what mode) and the screen is white!! I can take pictures and stuff but it won't let me see anything other than a white screen.... I am gonna have to get my warranty thing and fill it out and get it returned now... Grrness... It really sucks a lot.... I may try and get it done on Saturday or something because I don't ahve time any other day... maybe on Sunday I would have time but yeah... Grrness.. it makes me mad....lol...

Umm... Soo, I think I am done now... I think this is long enought to torture you guys that don't read a lot or fast... lol... sorry.. lol.. Bye byes!!

*love you all!!*

♥ Missa ♥

.|. More fun stuff .|.

2006-01-09T20:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, continuing from my previous entry.... Sunday I went to church... We got up too late for Sunday school though so yeah... I dunno... I came home and cleaned up my room some because I really felt the need to (if you have seen my room then you know why...lol)... Umm... later David and Jessica came over and I hung out with them for a while and then Zach and Carl came and hung out with us. We watched some of Grease because that was what was on...lol.. We went to church and all that fun stuff... lol.. came back to my house and David took Jessica and Carl home and Zach stayed here and we watched The Princess Bride lol.. Yeah... ummm... Then my mom came home and Zach left at about 10:30 or so... lol... it could have been later but I don't remember...lol.. I got up this morning but hit my alarm clock about 5 times and had a strange dream about cooking a chicken in a microwave with the head still on it and I was in a space ship....lol Yeah, don't ask... lol.. I was so tired today, I also felt like throwing up this morning... I also forgot my lunch money and cd player!! lol.. wowza....lol yeah... So after school I went to Dawn's so her dad could take me to work. I started out in drive-thru present for an hour then I went to grill for about an hour and a half. Brock was training me in grill.. lol.. he is funny...lol.. On my break he came up behind me and scared the living crap out of me!! It was great...lol... After my break I got put back in present, sadly....lol... And now, here I am! lol... bored to death!!!

**NEW DRAMA!!** So there was a fight in second hour... 2 guys were fighting over some chick... probably some whore...lol... And there is some drama within my friends too!! Not sure if I already put the whole David, Jessica, and Chani stuff but that is existing... As most of you probably already know... And then there is Renee and Carl!! Renee was wanting to break up with Carl because he is "too immature" for her... right.... There is all sorts of stuff going on with them.. I wish that they would break up because she treats him like crap and he is too sweet for some whore like her... I dunno...

Anyway.. I am done for now so yeah... I will post tomorrow in class or after work, not sure when yet...lol....

Bye byes!!

♥ Missa ♥

.|. funnes .|.

2006-01-09T12:13:00.000-05:00

Yeah, that meeting that I was supposed to have Saturday, they rescheduled it... I was mad because I didn't actually have to get up that early!! GUH!! lol.. oh well.. anyway, I am over it now... lol.. The class is just about how to deal with stuff... So yeah...

Anyway... After the thign at the library, we went to pick up Uncle George then went to Aunt Deenee's house. Randy took me out to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch and then we just drove around for a while. Zach met us at a gas station and then I went with him to his house. He had to do some stuff to his room so they could get ready to paint it and stuff so yeah.. fun stuff... lol... After a while we went to my house for a little while... Max couldn't find a ride to the game he was supposed to go to so their mom decided to make him go all the way back to Anderson to pick Max up and take him then go all the way back to my house...lol.. yeah, we were a bit mad... lol... Either way, we went back to my house and my dad was there, along with some other people... woo... Yeah, so my dad was freaking out because Zach and I are "spending too much time alone together".... So my mom played a little trick...lol... My mom told us to go to my uncle's house and he would be there in a few minutes, he was gonna leave with my mom after she got pizza but they left the car there to misslead my dad... lol.. My mom was on my side and that is kinda funny... It made me mad that my dad thinks we are doing things though, I am smarter than that and Zach knows I would kill him (and so would a lot of other people) if he tried anything... So yeah... Anyway, so Zach and I hung otu at my uncle's house while my uncle went with my mom to a friend's house. We just sat there watchign movies and stuff... *innocent* it was fun. teehee.. And I discovered that The Devil's Rejects (Rob Zombies 2nd movie) is very strange and I liked the 1st one better... lol... Anyway.. People kept calling and texing Zach and that was gettign annoing and stuff and the cats kept jumping on the couch and bothering us...lol... yeah... It started to get on my nerves...lol.. Umm..... Chani eventually came over and we just kinda blocked her out whiel she was on the phone with Josh. Zach didn't leave till about 12:15 or later...lol..

I will have to post more later because class is about to end so yeah.. bye byes!!

.|. There is a knocking at the window .|.

2006-01-07T09:48:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I had to work last night and that was alright... I had fun there actually... Anyway... After work I came home and got online just to pass time till Zach got off of work. He called at some point then got online so yeah... I am not sure what the point of me putting that is but yeah... lol... ANYWAY!! To the point of this entry...

I am at the Anderson library right now... woohoo... Yeah, I am here for the divorce meeting thign that I had to come to for something... Not sure what exactly.. I don't have my meeting till 11 but my mom's started at 9:30... yeah... and I can only be on these comoputers for 1 hour because they time it... eak.. it sucks.. ANYWAY! That still isn't the point of this entry.. Last night I was online talking to people when my mom came home telling me to get my clothes for today because we were gonna leave. I was completely lost as to what she was talking about then she explained to me that my dad had went to her work and as they were pulling out they saw his car and they figured that he was gonna be following someone home or something... It was kinda like having a stalker.. I dunno.. So anyway, I got my stuff and we went over to my uncle's house and stayed there till about 2 somethign when Bobby came over from work saying that Dad was at our house and he was still gonna go home and stay there. Well, we sat there for about a half an hour trying to decide whether we were gonna go home or stay there and by the time we decided to go home he had already left. I went home and went straight to bed. I was so tired! We locked the door and the padlock just because so yeah. And around 5 or something I hear a banging on the front door but I decide to ignore it.. My mom opened it and guess who it was.. yeah.. my dad... I fell asleep as soon as I heard my mom open the door so yeah, I don't know if anyone said anything.. lol... I woke up this morning at 8 when my alarm clock went off but I hit it and went back to sleep. It went off again a few minutes later and I turned it off and went back to sleep.. lol.. Then I heard a knocking on my door.. It kinda scared me at first because it was my dad and I am not used to him being there anymore and stuff... But I finally got up and took a shower and got ready to come here.. My dad kept trying ot get things out of me and stuff but I wouldn't say anything so yeah.... I just kinda walked out of the house when it was tiem to leave... I dunno.. I know it sounds kinda evil, but I just try to avoid talkign to him... I know he is my dad and stuff but he is stressing my mom out beyond reason right now with all fo this stuff and I can't stan to see her like that... She has put up with his stupid crap for far too long! I just don't feel like hearing him talk about all sorts of random ideas of his that aren't true... I get tired of him trying to guilt my mom into breakign off the divorce... I don't want to have to pbe pulled into this more than I have to be, I don't want it to seem like I am taking sides.. But I really can't help that... I am the only "child" in the household (Bob isn't considered with this) so all the focus with the divorce and child support is on me... And my mom talks to me about everything and it kinda gets hard sometimes.. I think she expects me to say something about what is going on but I really have nothing to say...

I dunno.. anyawy... this was kidna long.. sorry.. lol... I have to go because I only have 28 minutes left on this computer.. so yeah. I will post later! BYE BYES!!

♥ Missa ♥

.|. Wanna DIE! .|.

2006-01-05T11:34:00.000-05:00

Guh!! I don't like this... lol... I just started last night and it sucks... I didn't take anything for cramps this morning and I am starting to regret it... lol... ERG!! PAIN!! lol..

Anyway... I am in school and it is bonus period.. I would already be at lunch if it weren't for this stupid bonus thing... Its all good though... I don't get to go till 11:45, meh... SOOO!!!! Enough complaining.. I don't wanna complain because then I seem like a ... yeah ... lol.. wowza...

So today after school Zach is picking me up again. YAY! lol.. no bus and I get to spend time with him. lol...We are gonna go to his church tonight so that should be pretty fun now.. ummm.... lets see... What to talk about... ummm... wow... soooo....... I think I am tired and there is nothing really to talk about so yeah... I don't know... leave me be... I be a tired person that obviously can't type or spell today... lol...

Yup, lunch is about to start so yeah.. I am gonna go for now.. bye byes!

.|. EAK!!! .|.

2006-01-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

So now I am really bored.. we have a free day in here and there is nothing to do really... DERN COMPUTER CLASS!!! lol.. Myspace is blocked here4 and I don't know how to work around the server...I wanna ask someoen but I am not sure anyone really actually knows... lol.. I dunno... My leg still hurts from where Gizmo killed me this morning... lol... eak.... Which reminds me, I need to shave... I am sure you all wanted to know that... lol.. I CAN"T WAIT TILL 3!!!! Only 4 hours... lol... School will be out AND Zach is coming to pick me up. YAY! lol.. I am soo hungry right now... Gizmo wouldn't let me enjoy my breakfast... She was being a meany head and trying to eat it... Hmmm.......... *tries to think of way around the stupid school server* Nope, nothing comes to mind... oh well... All is good... lol... ummmm... I JUST LOST THE GAME!!! NOOO!!!! lol.. haha.... Okay, I am gonna go now because I really have nothing to talk about right now because I posted everything this morning.... yup... bye byes!

.|. Back to school .|.

2006-01-03T06:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was interesting I guess... I woke up and went to see my dad at my uncle's house (that is where he has been staying). For once he wasn't drunk... Yeah... He kept appoligizing for ever verbally abusing any of us and so on... The funny thing is, I think he has made himself forget that he has physically abused Bobby... Everytime he said "abuse" he made sure he put "verbally" by it.. I dunno... Maybe he hasn't forgot it, maybe he is just hoping that I forgot... I dunno...

After that stuff I came home and just sat around. I had to work too, and that helped get some stuff off of my mind a bit... I wasn't worried about anything that was going on really so yeah... My mom is changing the locks next week too. woohoo.. Meaning we will have a lock that doesn't take 2 minutes to open! lol...

SOO!! It is 6:39 AM and I have school this morning... Zach is picking me up after school and we are gonna hang out and stuff... I do but I don't wanna be back in school. Hmm.. I woke up around 4:47 this morning and I couldn't fall asleep again. I just kinda layed there till about 6... I came into the computer room and was TRYING to eat some cereal but Gizmo kept trying to get to it. She kept jumping onto the computer chair and she clawed my legs like 7 times just tryign to pull herself up cause I kept putting her down... Yeah, I think she kept trying because I gave her some of my chicken selects last night... lol... She is an odd one, gotta love her though!!!

I can't wait till after school!!! I want school to be out NOW!!! lol.. SUMMER NEEDS TO COME!!! lol.. oh! Zach needs to be 18 too so his mom isn't so strict on curfew... lol... I dunno... BOREDNESS!!! I am actually awake and it sucks.. I shouldn't be awake at 6:46 in the morning!! I am a teenager, I should be sleeping till 10 or 11!! lol... **misses Christmas vacation already** lol... *sneeze* my mom and I have concluded that we are both alergic to long haired cats... lol.. we have both been sneezing and stuff a lot since we got Gizmo... lol... Thats okay though, my mom can't make me get rid of Gizmo if I am paying for her!!! **Note to self, get Gizmo DECLAWED!!!** Her claws are SHARP and they hurt like heck!!! lol... Crazy kitty... lol...

Anyway, I am gonna go now because this entry to too long for a morning entry... lol.. bye byes! And to those who have school, good luck and have fun! To those who don't, You are evil... I hate you... and have a great day!! lol just playin... lol.. I love you all!! byes!!

Missa

.|. ladeda! .|.

2005-12-30T20:14:00.000-05:00

Hello people! lol.. bored... lol.. .I am listening to DHT because Chani FINALLY brought back my cd... lol... Anyway.... Yeah, so the little party that Zach, Chani, and Dawn put on for me went great. For those of you that weren't there, it was a suprise party and yeah... We were at Randy's house for a little while and yeah... I finally got Gizmo!! hehe.. I am happy! I will later post pictures of her. She is so adorable!! hehe... I love her! lol.. Yeah, the party was fun and thank you everyone who came.

The lock-in is tomorrow and I can't wait! It is gonna be awesome! Although, there is some drama going on right now... Some between Chani and Nate.. And then some that only I know fully about... I am hoping that everything turns our for the best for all this stuff... I am afraid that it may not... Who knows... Oh well! Anyway...

My mom left tonight becuase my dad wouldn't stop calling or something I guess.. I was gone all day but she called me telling me she was leaving because my dad wouldn't leave her alone and wouldn't stop bugging her about her wanting to go to Christies without him when they aren't together anymore... He keeps trying to get her to change her mind but she won't... I dunno.. it is all annoying me right now... I am just glad I have my friends and other family to help me through all this... I don't know where I would be without my friends...

lalalala... I am extremely bored...lol.. I dunno what to talk about... ummm.... yeah....lol... I am gonna go now... bye byes!

Love yall!!
Missa

.|. Its a wonderful day!! .|.

2005-12-26T11:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I could either post the main general idea of what my mind has been thinking or I could post the journal entries I wrote in Tennessee... Either way this could be a long entry... For your sake, I will make it shorter by just summing up the entries I wrote... and maybe adding little side notes...

[Thursday night] Okay, so for the majority of this entry I was going on about my parents... My dad called that night while Zach and I were just sitting around talking and stuff. He hadn't been home all week pretty much, he had been staying at my cousin's house... When he called he sounded so hurt and stuff... He sounded messed up and everything... It made me feel bad and I felt like crying, I obviously didn't though. After we got off the phone I just kinda tried to brush it off and everything and just continued sitting there with Zach and stuff... After Zach left I was walkign around hte house looking for something and I just kept having random flashbacks and I almost started crying.. I was remembering the way things used to be around here, good and bad... I was just trying to figure out where I stand in this whole issue (the divorce) and I don't know.. I want them to but I don't... I am afraid that my dad may just leave and not have anythign to do with us... I guess that is what I am mainly afraid of. (Then here is the brighter side of the entry.) I guess that one good thing about all this is that I have come to notice a change, a good one on my part.... I have realized that I am no longer afraid of a relationship.. No longer am I afraid to commit to a relationship.. No longer am I afraid of falling in love or getting close to someone. I have realized that through all the relationships that have meant a lot to me (so far 2 or 3 of them) I have let something get to me in some way or another.. I have let something bother me to the extremes of scaring me out of loving someone or caring too much for someone. I have looked up to my parents example too much when it comes to relationships. I have come to realize that I would always think I would turn out like them when i get married and so on. And when I would do that I always think about all the bad things, never the good... (I have also come to realize that I am coming to realize a lot of things!! lol) But since Josh and I broke up I have noticed that I am becoming less afraid of all this stuff... Yeah, I learn from my paretns, and the thing is I learn what NOT to do and what I should change when that time comes... I don't have to be like them, I can make it work... Now that I am with Zach and all of this stuff is going on, I have learned enough that I know what I don't want to be like and I know now that I can change these things for the better. [Okay there was more but yeah... going to the next day]

[Friday afternoon] Okay, so I started out this entry going on about how we were in southern Indiana, which isn't too interesting.... I started talking about how I think I am letting the divorce get to my head too much, which I may be... I dunno... I just feel like I should be trying to help them more... I Dunno... That is all I really talked about in that entry..... so yeah...

So now, I am gonna just kinda talk about things that are in my mind but I just didn't really put in the entries (a lot of the stuff in the Thursday thing were added bits of stuff...lol). I guess I will talk about Christmas... Christmas was pretty good... other than the drive home.. it was kinda boring... After I got home things were pretty good...lol.. the first thing I did Christmas morning after I woke up was watch Shawn of the Dead! lol.. anyway... umm yeah... Zach went with me to my grandma's house and then we went to his grandma's house. Then we came back here and he didn't leave until after 12:30.... lol... We were watching The Princess Bride... as far as his mom knew...lol.. actually, we watched Edward Scissorhands then around 12 ( a while after the movie was over) he called his mom and told her that there was still a half hour left for The Princess Bride... lol... Either way.... Last night was great and stuff. I had fun and I was so glad to be home and to be with Zach and stuff... So yeah, that is Christmas...lol... hmmm what else is there to talk about? I guess there is a little part in my journal entry from Thursday that I could put on here... but I dunno... I want to.. but I don't... hmm... It is a good thing, but.... I dunno... sorry, I am being odd... if you wanna know what it was I guess I could tell ya if you IM me and ask about it... lol... I don't know what I am not putting it in here, I guess I just... I dunno... okay.. yeah, this is the end of my entry... bye byes!!

~Bored.....~

2005-12-20T20:10:00.000-05:00

Hey hey yall! Yeah, so I don't have anyoen here now, so that is why I am updatign now instead of later...lol.. I dunno.. lol.. Nothing too interesting has happend really... I did see The Chronicals of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe !! It is awesome! That all really umm..I get to go to Christmas at the zoo tomorrow.. I have been shopping like 3 times this week alone already....lol... I am still not done Christmas shopping at all... lol.... umm.... I am thinking... Oh! It was funny, I was working tonight and this guy came in and he was drunk beyond reason and he didn't speak good English so I couldn't understand him at all... lol.. A customer called the cops on him and the cops came in and called him a ride home and the guy ended up leaving before his ride got there.. It was funny...lol... umm.... What to talk about?? I dunno...I think I am gonna go now.. bye beys!

.|. Small Update .|.

2005-12-20T08:54:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I know so I haven't updated in a little while and some entries have been shot into oblivion... lol... I haven't had time to update because I have had people over and you all know that I hate to type up entries when someone is over here. So yeah... And the entry being shot into oblivion.. I deleted it for protection of some people because of stuff going on... I also just realized that with this template you can't comment on the entries directly, but you can still comment on the tag board thing... But for the protection of people, do not put anything on there about that stuff...

Anyway, I am gonna go now because I still have people here, it just so happend that they were asleep and now they aren't so yeah... bye byes!

Oh yeah!!

Blink 182 song!

2005-12-16T12:28:00.000-05:00

Here are the lyrics to that Blink 182 song that I have been trying to find the video for...

Stay Together for the Kids

It's hard to wake up,
When the shades have been pulled shut.
This house is haunted, its so pathetic, it makes no sense at all
I'm ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away
My stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it every day
So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time
You gave it all away
It was mine
So when you're dead and gone,
Will you remember this night?
Twenty years now lost
It's not right
Their anger hurts my ears
Been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them
It makes no sense at all
I see them every day
We get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants, and it's what she wants,
Then why's there so much pain?
So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time.
You gave it all away.
It was mine.
So when you're dead and gone,
Will you remember this night?
Twenty years now lost.
It's not right.
So here's your holiday
Hope you enjoy it this time.
You gave it all away.
It was mine.
So when you're dead and gone,
Will you remember this night?
Twenty years now lost.
It's not right.
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right

Yeah, and for those people that only read the first entry on the page, there is an entry before this... lol.. I dunno.. felt liek saying that ... lol.. I am bored and don't have time to post a full entry so I am gonna go now. byes!

.|. Just me Again .|.

2005-12-15T10:47:00.000-05:00

I was just messing around with my settings the other day and I found out that I had the comment thing so that only people that have a blogger account could post a comment. Just so you know, I fixed that, you can now comment if you do nto have an account with Blogger. I don't know how much that would really matter, I do still have the little chat thing on the side still... No one seems to like to post in it though... hmm...

Sorry about the really long entry yesterday, I kinda got worked up. There is a another thing that really bothers me about people but I am gonna save that for another day... lol.. just for your sake I guess.. maybe when it is closer to Christmas... lol...

ANYWAY! I have been thinking and I have realized that I am just kinda typign what pops in my head at this very moment...lol.. so really I am not typing what i have been thinking about.. Okay, so that was just pointless rambling... lol... Umm... Yeah, anyway... lol... That was kinda strange.... lol... Really now, I can't wait because there is only 1 1/2 days of school till break starts!! hehe... I can't wait! Christmas is just next week!!! OMG!!! lol... Really though, I have to finish everythign for everyone.. I still have my mom, Bobby, and Ashley.... lol... I think I still like the spa thing for my mom... She deserves it...

Umm... So yeah, I really don't know what to do for now so I think I am gonna be going now... I may post an entry after a little while... I guess...

Oh! btw, I was in photography today and we had a little thing where we went to the pit and there was a college reprsentative that spoke to us about the Art Institution. They have them all over the U.S. but the one here in Indiana only offers like 3 majors... which sucks... but the one I think would be pretty cool they offer (graphic design). I was thinking about it and I may look up more information on it... so yeah...

Okay really now, I am going to go so yeah.. bye byes!!

.|. Christmas Ramble .|.

2005-12-14T11:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, so that was boring and pointless... hmm... I don't know... I was trying to change this template to something else, but I can't get to the site I usually go to to get templates at school... I dunno....

I am kinda hungry and someone said we are having chicken nuggets today, which is FREAKIN AWESOME! hehe... I dunno... *randomness* I may just add a song or video to this entry!! I can't wait till we get ot go get food cause food is good and I am hungry.. the one day I don't have extra money with me, we have good food...

Okay, enough about food... I think I will now talk about.......... I dunno! UGH! lol... This is sad...I haven't been able to write any entries with a point lately... Well, I guess that is probably a good thing cause when I did have entries with points that were in depth, they were about depressing thigns... I am not really depressed anymore so I am not writing sad, depressing things!! Good logic? I think so...lol... Nah really though... I use to write about how upset I was and how all this stuff around me made me sad/upset/angry, but lately I haven't really had anything bother me (other than my parents of course but that is a normal teen thing... right?). I have just been so happy lately and I like it that way. I love being able to be optimistic and all this stuff, it makes my world a better place! lol...

I kinda feel like talking about Christmas... Okay, so last year my parents were in a little financial rut around this time so Bobby and I didn't get much from them. That was COMPLETELY alright with us, we understood and we also know that Christmas isn't about getting gifts and stuff. We understand that Christmas is about Jesus and spending time with family and the ones you love. Well, I was alright with everything last year, until my dad didn't show up at all to the family thing... Actually I was REALLY in the Christmas spirit last year because I have realized what it was like for some kids. I went with Aunt Deenee and Uncle Lonnie to shelters and stuff. I realized I didn't ahve it that bad off... This year, I am in even mroe of the Christmas spirit, although my parents are in even more of a financial rut and even talkign about divorce. I know that I may not get anything from them, and I don't care. I know that they love me and I know that they have tried their hardest to make me and Bobby happy our whole lives. I know that my mom is coming closer to breakign down to wanting to go to church (closer to salvation!!). I know that Christmas is about loving and Jesus. I know the true meanign of Christmas and so do many others, it is just that others don't choose to cpay attention to it. It makes me so mad when even teens are begging their parents to get them something that is so expensive or they complain that they aren't getting much or "enough" for Christmas when there are so many out there that don't even have a family, a home, any loved ones... It makes me wanna cry when I am walking down the halls and I hear someone that says "I can't believe my mom won't get me the X Box 360 (which btw cost between $465 to $1,300 depending where you go *I searched on MSN and that is what I found under "Bargan prices" at Shopzilla.com* and I have heard by my uncle that is into stuff like that and computers and stuff that it isn't worth it)! She got my brother a dvd player (which isn't that much... maybe 100-150 for a decent one)!" Now, it isn't just the teens that bother me... It is also the people that are stressing beyond reason just to find the "perfect gift" and they will spend hundreds and they still are stressing about what to get someone... It shouldn't be that way. People should be able to be happy with what they can give and deal with it. They shouldn't be stressing over all this stuff. It isn't about the gifts, it is about loving, sharing, spending time with the family, and most of all (which people don't pay attention to) the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour!

My point to that little Christmas ramble is that you don't have to stress about what to get someone or how much you spend... It doesn't matter if it is $1 or $100... Just don't stress about it, don't loose the Christmas spirit... Don't spend too much money on something for someone if it is going to put you in debt (which MANY people do around Christmas time)... Remember the true meaning of Christmas... Matthew 1:18-25 <----the TRUE meaning of Christmas....

Okay, that is all I really have time for now.. sorry about the long entry... It just kinda hit me... lol.. There is SOO much more I could go on about but I won't right now.. The bell rings in about 3 minutes so yeah...

Love you all and God bless!
.. Missa ..

-.- EAK!! -.-

2005-12-14T10:55:00.000-05:00

It is/was snowing outside! It is supposed to be rain and sleet mix later today, like around noon and later.... WOO!! *prays for a 2 hour delay tomorrow* lol... Yeah, so I really want these next 2 1/2 days to go by really fast! I want it to be witner vacation so bad! lol.. Although, I know I will mostly be just sitting around most of the time. So yeah, that will be fun... lol... *thinks* I may just go update my site some more now... I dunno... lalalala.... ummm.. yeah... This is boring... I am definately gonna go find somethign else to do... byes

-.- COMPLETELY RANDOM!-.-

2005-12-13T12:12:00.000-05:00

Yup so I am really bored.... We didn't have a 2 hour delay this morning, sadly... I dunno... I have all day today to be bored because I don't have to work tonight. I may go to chat tonight for youth group but not sure if I will... It all depends on my mood... lol... Umm.... BOREDOM!! I am in web design and we are still doing our web pages... I already have mine done adn I have had it done for a while now... lol.. ummm...... I have updated my REAL website, my Myspace profile, and now I have nothing to do but make an entry here. hmm... Umm... lalalala.... I want it to be Christmas vacation... The sooner it is Christmas vacation the sooner Christmas comes.. The sooner Christmas comes, the sooner my birthday comes... The sooner my birthday comes the sooner New Years lock-in comes!!! And still, the sooner that comes, the sooner WINTERFEST comes!! lol.. Sorry, like I said, I am overtaken by boredness... lol... I am kinda tired.... It needs to be nap time.... lol.. I think I may go home and get online or call Zach for a little while then take a nap, maybe vise versa... lol.. AHHH!!! I aM sO bOeReD!! FiLlEd WiTh BoReDoM!!! lol. okay... done for now... lol..I wanna listen to some good music... like, I dunno... lol.. but somethign good...lol.. I am gonna stop typing now and go so yeah.. byes!

-.- Snowy weekend! -.-

2005-12-11T21:01:00.000-05:00

I know I know... I haven't updated since Thursday and you guys must be devistated (right....lol). Nothin really has happend... We had the snowday on Friday, which was nice. I loved it! lol... Zach, Carl, and Dawn came over and we all hung out. It was fun.. We put make up on both of the guys and we gots pics!! hehe.. I will add them sometime... teehee (I ♥ you Zach!). They all left to go to work and stuff. I hung out with Chani and Nathan for the rest of the night. That was fun... I forget what all we did but yeah... lol...

Saturday I had to work, which sucked... We were really slow for a while... I wasn't in drive-thru for once though!! lol... Umm... Let me think... After work I shoveled snow for a lady that lives out here. We sat there and talked for a while... Umm.. After that I came home and went with Chani to get a Christmas tree and then Zach pick us up to go to his house. We helped decorate his tree and we ate Taco Bell. After we got done at his house we went to Billy's just to drop in... After that we all went to Ryan's and Chani and I met Ryan and Brandon (Brandon is my compitition for Zach)... We hung out there for a while and that was all fun. They are pretty cool. We later decided to go to Walmart to just run around and be stupid and so yeah, we did. It was fun... We got some pics, sometime I will get them from Ryan and I will post them on here and/or my website... We didn't get home till about 3 or something (that may be exaggerating). Either way, Chani and I didn't get to bed till about 3:30 or so...

Today we didn't get up till about 9 or 9:30. We went to church then came back. I went shopping for Christmas and stuff. I spent about/over $130 on 4 or 5 people... After I got back I just kinda sat around on the computer and stuff... being bored and stuff... Zach then came over we we went to church. There was a drama/play that the kids put on for Christmas and it was kinda fun. After service we had cookies and lemonade or something... Then we all went out side and played in the snow. It was funny...lol... yeah...

Now here I am being bored!!! Boredom=not fun!! lol... I am also kinda hungry...oh well.. On the subject of my parents, my mom is COMPLETELY sure she is wanting a divorce because everytime they even talk they start fighting... They don't get along at all anymore and he is not helping at all... She just doesn't know when she is gonig to get the papers.. My dad will probably refuse to sign the papers making it hard to make the divorce final... My mom is trying to get him to move out but he keeps saying he can't find anyone to stay with (right, he probably hasn't even asked anyone)...

Anyawy... I am really bored so I am gonna go now.. byes!

-.- Yeah...lol.... sure... -.-

2005-12-08T11:00:00.000-05:00

Woo hooo.... I am in Web design, once again... I am done with my page and stuff... it isn't the best but I don't care, I already have a website and I don't need this other one....lol... meh... I dunno.... ummm... Anyway...

Zach created a list of things that ruin moments and I think I like it... lol.. I can't access it right now but its all good... I will post it later... I am sure there are more things that we could add to it... Okay... so there isn't much to talk about yet.... I am bored... that is for sure....lol.... ummm..... yeah... I think I am going to go find something else to do now.. byes

-.- Yayness!! -.-

2005-12-07T12:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I am really bored.. I am in my web design class again... I am done with my site, although it really sucks... lol... I think he can deal with it..

Yeah, so anyway...I was fixing up my Myspace profile more.. it was kinda fun actually.. lol... I found all sorts of fun little graphics and stuff... lol.. yeah.. it was pretty fun... Things like this
and and the border thingy... Yeah, I have been really bored the last couple of days... lol... There is a lot more that I have than that but still..

Lalala.... Zach is picking me up from school today... I haev to take a test and stuff so him, Dawn, and Chani are gonna be talking about my birthday and stuff... Dern them conspiring against me! lol I think I will survive... Well.. I think I am gonna go now and find something else to do now.. byes!

-.--.- always!!

-.- Woo! -.-

2005-12-05T23:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, now I am going to SUM UP my long entry that I lost.....

So pretty much my entry that I had typed before was about what news I got last night.... My mom told me that her and my dad are getting a divorce.... And this time she means it...I really didn't think anythign about it last night because she has said it so many times before. I guess I was thinking about it this morning after talkign to her adn I realized she meant it this time... I dunno... I was thinking about how it would be a good thing, yet I was thinking about how it would be a bad thing... THings may get mroe complicated (paying bills and family get-togethers). Yet, I think we would all be happier and better off... Maybe other than him.... I dunno.... I think it may be hard to get over the fact that he wouldn't be here anymore... I could see him just completely avoiding us and his family... He knows he is in the wrong and that they are on my mom's side... I dunno... Really I have no clue what to think of all of this....

Anyway, on a happier note... Other than that little drama up there, I have been really happy lately... It is kinda strange though... When it comes to relationships and how I usually am, in a situation like now (my parents wanting to divorce) I would have been afraid to be in a relationship adn I would be pushing away... But this time is different. I am not afraid of anything right now (relationship wise) and I am really happy with Zach and I REALLY hope we last a while... In all honesty, this is the happiest I have been since Mason (for those of who that know about all that then you know that that is amazing... And you know how happy I was with him and how devistated I had been since the break up). I know that Zach and I have only been together for a little over a month but still... I dunno....

Hmm... So I am waiting for my clothes to get done in the washer so I can go to bed... so yeah.. I think I am gonna go to myspace for a while now... byes

♥Missa♥

-.- GUH!! -,-

2005-12-05T19:40:00.000-05:00

OMG!!! I Had a LONG entry on here all typed up and I saved it (or at least thought I did) at school! IT IS GONE NOW!!!! GUH!! !well I don't have time to type it righ tnow.. so yeah... I will try ot later tonight or I will post it form school tomorrow... byes

-.- bored....random... -.-

2005-12-03T11:11:00.000-05:00

So I am so happy cause now I am at HOME posting this and I don't have to post at school as much!! yay!! lol.. hmm... lalala... bored!! okay... going now.. byes....

-.- COMPUTER FINALLY!!! -.-

2005-12-02T10:46:00.000-05:00

Yay!!! We finally got our computer! lol.. It came in last night while I was at work and stuff so yeah... Hmm... I was in photography and we were making poster things. Our group was the first ones done again so we were just going through magazinesand getting funny pictures... I have decided that I am gonna go home and make a thingy with funny pictures... lol... Don't ask.

Anyway... I am going to Chani'schior concert tonight... hmm.. what else... umm.... I dunno.... I think I am kinda tired.... oh well.. lol.. I am gonna go now... byes

-.- boredness -.-

2005-12-01T11:00:00.000-05:00

So once again, I am in Web Page design and I am almost done with my website thing that we are supposed to be making..I think I only have like a page or two of them... Umm... I still haven't gotten my computer at home yet... It is sad..lol.... Ummm... I should probably go now because I am supposed to be working on my page..lol.. byes

-.- Another strange dream -.-

2005-11-29T11:27:00.000-05:00

GRRR!!! I had an entry all typed up and stuff but it died!!! GUH!!! anyway... It pretty much said that I was bored and our computer should be coming in soon... hopefully.... lol... I am in this stupid Web Page Design class and I know waht he is trying to teach and he isn't being very successful at it! lol... oh well.. anyway...

I had a strange dream last night... I don't remember all of it but yeah... Anyway, here is what I remember of it. I was with a group of friends and Carl was driving. He let Zach and me out at the entrance (pretty much) of the trailor park. We just kinda stood there talking for a few minutes and out of nowhere he said "I love you". I was kinda suprised at first and kinda froze for a second then I finally said "I love you too". We were quiet for a couple of seconds and we just hugged and then Carl started yelling for Zach to hurry up because he had to be somewhere or something. Then I woke up... that was all I could remember of the dream pretty much. It kinda confused me though. First of all, I have no clue where it came from. Second, I don't think it is love yet, it is too early to tell that. Third, why was Carl driving (lol) !?!?!?!?!?

I dunno.. anyway, that was kinda fun. I am really bored... I just got back from lunch and yeah ( I have cheetos!!).... lalalala... I need something to do or talk about on here.. so I dunno... Actually I think I am gonna go fix up my site some (from the school computers, not mine *tear*)..

Bye byes!!

-.- Vacation recap -.-

2005-11-28T10:46:00.000-05:00

Sorry about not updating... My computer is still dead and we are waiting for the new one to come in. so yeah...

Anyway.... So since Wednesday during this class... What has happend? umm... We didn't have church that night so Zach came over and we hung out for the night. ThursdayI woke up and watched the Macy's Day Thanksgiving Parade thingy. Once my mom woke up I helped her make food for the Thanksgiving lunch thing. After we finally got everything done we went to Grandma's, even though Grandma and Grandpa weren't there (they were in Branson). It was alright... It wasn't the same as usual... It was kinda like we were just there to eat then leave... We didn't do anything like we usually do. I dunno... It was just too different without the grandparents there... After I left there I went home and felt like cleanign so I cleaned and rearranged my room... lol... Ummm... Friday I slept in till about 10 or so then Bobby and I went shopping. I got stuff for Zach and I got me two new blankets from Old Navy (2 for $10 or 1 for $10.. pretty much buy 1 get 1 free). They are really soft and comfy... lol.. Umm.... We had Arby's for lunch and it was yummy! After we got done shopping I went to work and we were not busy AT ALL... I was even on grill for about an hour or so! lol.. ummm after work I went home and watched tv and talked to Zach for the rest of the night (once he got off work that is)... Saturday I worked. We were once again not busy at all... I did front counter most of the day though.. It was kidna fun. umm... after work I went home and was lazy... again.. lol... I sat around watching tv and stuff.. Chani wanted me to go to her house but I was waiting for Zach to call or come over so yeah I stayed home... Right after Chani left, Zach called saying he was on his way. He decided to be evil and trick me by saying that he was stuck in taffic and stuff and it may be a while. I heard a knock on the door and told him to hold on and of course, it was him being mean and tricking me... lol... Yeah so we just hung out all night. He was at my house till about 12 or later and he left and on his way home he got 2 MORE flat tires... 3rd within the past month! He didn't end up getting home till 2 or something... Sunday Chani and I got up adn went to McDonalds for breakfast and then to church. I about fell asleep during service... lol.. figures... lol.. umm... After service we went home and sat around being lazy and watched tv, imagine that... lol.. Zach came over at some point and we were looking at pictures of my mom and family and stuff and yeah.. It was interesting... lol.. After all of that we ate then went to church. after church everyone went home! I went to bed early... I watched tv for a little bit then got bored and tired so I went to bed. lol.. it was likt 9 or something.. .lol.. I woke up this morning all tired still though.. hmmm

Anyway (not anywho!!), I have realized something...I think my parents are beginning to trust me more and so is Bobby... It is strange... They have been leaving us alone at my house for long periods of time and not caring... They didn't normally do that! They would always freak out if I was home alone with a guy! I dunno... I kinda like the fact that they trust us. I understand why they didn't before and I would understand if they didn't now even more, but they do trust us and that is great. I dunno... Anyway.. I think I am gonna get going for now and stuff.. so yeah... bye byes!

-.- SNOW -.-

2005-11-23T12:12:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so this class is gonna annoy me just because I already know a lot of the stuff... lol... I dunno

IT IS SNOWING!!! lol.. Snow is fun, except the fact that it is cold... and stuff.. lol. yeah... so I really have nothing to type about so I am gonna go now... byes!~

-.- New tri... random thouhts -.-

2005-11-21T12:19:00.000-05:00

EACK!!! lol.. wowza...I am in Web Page Design ( origionally supposed to be Advanced Computer Applications but I switched it)! Yay! lol.. fun fun...I think that I am tired and need to sleep... my head is hurting now and I am not quite sure why... Anyway... I need to look up some stuff for Zach for Christmas (teehee... NO I am NOT going to put on here what I am getting you Zach!) ... hmmm... *thinks* I wish I wasn't sick.... meh... Oh, and Chani is the only one in my lunch... it sucks... oh well...

I was thinking last night and today... I am so glad that Dawn stuck to making me wait a month after I broke up with Chris to go out with anyone. I know that if she wouldn't have made me do that then I would have been with Ian or at least would have went out with him. I know that I may not have been with Zach right now if I would have done so. I really like Zach and I am happy that I am with him. He treats me much better than Ian ever could have, that I know for a fact.

lalala... anyway... I am gonna go shopping online.. teehee... bye byes!

zZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

2005-11-14T06:51:00.000-05:00

NEED SLEEP!!!

-.- Because of you -.-

2005-11-12T08:56:00.000-05:00

I was watching tv this yesterday morning trying to wake up as usual, and I saw a video that looked kinda interesting.... here are the lyrics to the song before I tell you who it is (it is someone I wouldn't normally listen to and someone I KNOW most of you wouldn't normally listen to )...

Because of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Okay, so yeah.. that is the song... now that you have read the lyrics here is who sings it... Kelly Clarkson... yeah..lol.. If it were me, I wouldn't have even read the lyrics since it was her but it was a music video and it looked interesting... ANYWAY!! On to the point of this entry... The video is taking place in a home and there is a little girl. Her parents are fightign and doing all this stupid stuff.. Everytime somethign happens the little girl adn Kelly look at eachother ( although that doesn't have anythign to do with it...lol)... But yeah... I think the song is either talkign ab out her mom.. and one of the main reasons I actually kept the song on is becuase ti was the chorus that was playing when I turned to it and I felt I could relate... It made me think some, not too much cause it was still early lol, about my dad and how it all makes since why I am the way I am; afraid to love, afraid to trust so much, afraid of getting hurt, why I always take the safe way. I have realized even more that it is the fact that my whole life I have been lied to and told that the way my dad treats my family is 'normal' and there is nothing wrong with it... I have been taught by hypocrytes not to lie, cheat, steal, abuse or any of that stuff... They have told me time and time again not to do something yet they turn around and do it all the time and I now see through all the lies. It seems that my eyes have been opened more within the past year or two... I have seen the lies and I now see the truth. I don't know... Either way I really like this song and it is pretty cool I think....

Well, that is all I really have time for because I have to work and stuff so yeah... bye byes!

-.- flashign lights, sirens, and a broken window -.-

2005-11-11T20:27:00.000-05:00

hey there friends!!! What is up out there?!?!? I have noticed that you guys obviously don't like leaving comments, whatever that reason is I don't know... I am thinkign about going back to one of my fun templates since yall aren't posting any... But yeah... Okay anyway...

I got off work at 7 today adn didn't get home till 8... It sucked... My dad decided he watned to go to Ingalls then Fortville, after stopping on the side of teh road to get into the trunk for something... Once we got to Fortville we went to Milk Barn and there was some chick yelling at some people... So the cops show up... I saw the girls face adn noticed that there was blood on her face adn yeah... I thought one of the guys had hit her and I was wanting to get otu and kill them... I also realized that seh was obviously deaf and couldn't talk well because of it. After the cops showed up and the ambulence showed up they were questioning the guy that she was with and stuff... The cops went over to the car that they were in adn then I saw the back window on teh driver side was broken... I was confused as to what was going on.... So then, after abotu a half hour, my dad finally came out adn told me waht happend. The girl was bipolar and she was mad because they were lost and didn't know where they were so she hit her head on the window and broke it. So yeah... that is what happend... adn we finally left after that... And now I have a really bad head ache and I am freezing... yeah....I am hoping this IB Profen kicks in REALLY soon... Meh....

You are one hot beaver!!! lol.. sorry... that was a random thing from last night on the phone with Zach.... lol... wowza..I wanted to change the subject... I guess..lol.. OH!! I get to eb a whore in a play I am doing for one of my classes... Woot! lol... sorry Zach, I am cheating on you with some guy that is having and affair... lol.. don't ask... It is from the play "Death of a Salesman" and yeah.... I just happen to be "THE WOMAN" as the book says... lol... woo... Anyway...I am gonna go now.. byes...

I love you all!!
Missa

-.- Much needed tears -.-

2005-11-09T21:24:00.000-05:00

Today was alright, normal day at school..After school I went to Abi's house for the project thingy and we made Pumpkin bread... it is actually pretty good. lol.... After that I came home and Zach met me here then we all left for church.

Church tonight started out normal. Praise and worship kinda took a long time but that was okay. During "I Can Only Imagine" I started thinking about Aunt Pooh and stuff... They started the next song and I coudl tell somethign was on Emily's mind.. She started talking about how there is a "giant" in someone's life and I was just thinking about my dad and my family and stuff... Then she said somethign about someone may go home to a drunk or drugged up dad and something about being abused... I started crying.. She kept looking at me and stuff like she knew, although never said anythign to her or Chris about any of it...She said for all the people that had a mountain or a giant in their lives to go up there and have peolpe pray for us so I went up there and once everyone was up there she came to me and started praying for me... Everythign she was saying had somethign to do with this weekend and even stuff that I haven't told ANYONE or even posted in this blog... Then Woody came up and started talkign to me and stuff, encouraging me and stuff... Then he had his wife, Jennifer come over there to talk to me and pray for me.. I was crying so much this whole time.... It was all good though... lol... After Emily was done with stuff, Chris (the one that took over for Pastor Chris) came up to talk and that only lasted a few minutes... After service we all just hung out outside and stuff... Zach brought me home again. I didn't want to come home. I had no clue what type of mood my dad was in or if he had been drinking or taking him medication... He seems to be alright, and he finally called Grandma... So here I am not jsut typign up this entry and thinking about stuff...

I felt so much better after crying tonight. I cried the tears that needed to be released and yeah... A lot of the stresses from this weekend calmed and stuff. I guess this weekend I just felt kinda numb to it all and it didn't matter to much to me. I just kinda felt like there was no hope for the family to be strong again so I just wanted to give up on it all and just not care anymore. It seemed that even if I wanted to cry these past few days I couldn't, my body wouldn't let me... But tonight helped me a lot. I don't feel as stressed or anything.. I am just glad that I have a friends and a church family that care. I thank all of you that have been helping me through out all of this within the past 2 years as my family has been falling.. You guys all mean so much to me and I don't even know if I would be here if it weren't for all of you. I love you guys so much! hehe.

Well, I think this is gonna be all for tonight, I feel like making it "short" although this isn't very short... lol.. thank you all!

Love you all!!
♥ Missa ♥

xX She screams on the inside Xx

2005-11-08T17:58:00.000-05:00

I got really bored today during class so I started writing in my journal. Here is most of, with a some added thoughts since then, what I wrote... Just so you know, I kinda jump from subject to subject in it... it may get kinda confusing... (I felt like giving it an emo title cause it is indeed an emo entry...)

Tuesday, November 8, 2005
We are talkig about stress in Psychology class now... I took a stress test thing yesterday and my stress level was 1,060... Yesterday when she asked what are scores were all she did was ask if they were in a certain range..the highest she said yesterday was "300 and over" and most of the class raised their hands and that was for the high level of stress... Today she asked by hundreds and I was the only one with my hand up when she said "more than 900" lol.. I dunno... I would say a lot of my stress is from my dad and it annoys me taht I am letting him get to me. The fact that I know most of the stress around my house is caused by him annoys me even more. It is really sad when I think it would be easier or less stressful with my dad gone. I know my mom feels the same way. She said the other day when the huge arguement happend that seh just wants to catch up on bills then she wants to sign the papers, I am hoping by that she meant divorce.. I agree though.. All of this stuff is waht scares me about getting too close to someone... I really like Zach a lot and I don't want to be afraid to love him. THat is what happend with Mason. I got scared and made up excuses. I guess I could talk to my dad abotu it but that may make things worse. I don't want it to be like it was when him and Babby would fight. Although I know that if anyone found out that he tried hitting me already then he would be in so much trouble with my close friends and family... No one in my family knows. I haven't even told Bubba or Angel and I told them everything. I have told a couple of my friends and they can't do any thign about it though. I know so many of the ones I haven't told would want to kill him even mroe if they found out (they already want to kill him for what he has done to this family and me). Its not fair. People say "Just get over it" or Just get away from it or ignore it." Yeah, if only it was that easy. It may work for some people but I live with him. I can't get away from him. Some people tell me it isn't that bad, but some of them don't know the whole story... They see or hear about my dad coming in drunk at night and they know he yells and has a temper... Do they not realize that I don't tell them the whole story? A lot of people don't know about my brother... All they know is that he has his own opinion and reasons for hating my dad. Some know that he was abused but some don't know to what extent. No, it isn't as bad as some but it is still bad and emotionally scaring.. There were times when I always thought I was just dreaming or it all came out of my imagination, until last Saturday/Sunday... Josh brought it up after my dad left and it startled me for a second because I didn't even know he knew about it. I wasn't sure if Bobby even remembered it. I guess deep down I understand my brother's point of veiw. I wasn't ever physically abused but it still all seems like nto too long ago. I can still see my dad pushign my brother off the chair and into the kitchen. I can still see them literally fightign on teh floor and I see the tears forming in my brother's eyes. I can still hear the screaming, yellign and cussing.... I remember running to my room crying because I was terrified... I hear my brother's door slam and my dad still yelling and trying to kick his door in... I can hear my brother crying and blaring music, playing guitar... See the thought of all of all of this kills me... It makes me wonder why he chose my brother, he never did anything to him... I can't stand the way my dad is adn I can't stand to be around him much longer. If my mom doesn't get rid of him soon then I am gone, especially if Bobby leaves..I am not gonna stay here with out Bobby because then everythign will be pushed onto me. I know a lot fo my friends and other family members will take me in and protect me. I always say that I want to stay home as long as possible but I just say that. I don't want everyone to know why I hate my dad so much. I only tell a selected few people these things. These people are the ones that I trust with my life. The people who have the link to my blog (this one) are some of the ONLY people who I tell things to. There are MAYBE 5 or 6 people I trust. Trust is a hard thing for me. I can't help it. I blame that on my dad too.. With him, I never know when he is telling the truth or when he is trying to hide something. He thinks I am completely oblivious to all of the stuff he does so he tries to hide it. Well I know a lot more than he thinks. My mom tells me EVERYTHING.... My dad will act like nothing is wrong but when somethign doesn't go his way then you know he will do soemthing, whether it be yelling, drinking, drugs, stay calm (rarely), blame someone else, hit someone... That is what we never know so we ahve to stay away pretty much when we know he is gonna freak out. I guess being a "daddy's little girl" when I was younger didn't help much either, it really only hurt me more...Before I knew whate was going on I blamed it on Bobby or my mom, which I now know was wrong. Being a "daddy's little girl" made me oblivious to the reality of the abuse all of us received from him. I guess I thoguht it was normal.... Another thing with the love and trust issue, I can't blame it all on my dad ( I am not going to go into the love thing in this entry because I have so many times in my past entries... if you don't know what and you feel the need to know then tell me and I will tell you or I will show you an entry that explains it )... True, part of it is the way my parents are mainly. I guess when I was with Mason what happend then made me think about things.. Not the drinking thing but somethign that most of you don't even know about (only Justin, Greg, Josh P., and Chris know parts of it)... It has to do with the trust thing mostly. I lost a lot of trust for people, even if they didn't do anything. I began to see behind people's masks and I could see what some people were really like and waht some people were hiding... I dunno... I guess I am just in an emotional mood so I felt like writing a lot of stuff.. I needed to let some stress out before I yelled at my dad..He was wasted still yesterday so he couldn't go to work at all and he still wasn't feeling good that night... I really don't know anymore.. All the things that have hurt me in the past keep coming back to me; things with my dad, things with my parents in general, things with Mason and other ex boyfriends, all the times when I have lost a loved one, all the times when I have had a friend stab me in the back... Whenever my dad ends up being like he was Saturday/Sunday it makes me think and it brings back all sorts of haunting memories... I guess I am just kinda ranting today again... sorry... I think this willl be the end of my entry..I may post later and I will try to lighten the mood...lol

-.- Missa -.-

P.S. If you want some more little tid bits of some of the stuff that happend before, I have some more in depth entries from forever ago (an old blog)... http://daydream7.blogdrive.com

-.- Yet a night of memories brougth back -.-

2005-11-06T21:52:00.000-05:00

Ugh... I know, I have been complaining in my recent entries about random things, most of them not all that serious... Well, this time I am complaining about my dad and his stupidity... so it is kinda serious...

Last night Jessica's mom (Christy) came over to hang out with Uncle George, my mom, and my dad. Well, my dad was working on the car then told my mom that he was going to be going to the liquer store (which is in Ingalls... like 5 minutes away...). At least an hour had past and he still hadn't been back so my mom was worried becuase he was driving the messed up car. So Uncle George, my mom, and Christy went looking to see if he was stranded on the side of the road and when they found that he wasn't, they went to the Hog House to hang out and get a few drinks... I went to bed around 1... Around 2:20 I hear screaming and laughing and all that stuff... Uncle George, mom, and Christy were back from the Hog House and they were all drinking. So yeah.. My dad still wasn't home and hadn't called or anything. I was thinking "I hope he got caught drinking and driving again!!" ... So I stayed in my room listening to the storm for a while then my dad finally came in and was starting stuff.. He was arguing with my mom and uncle mostly... He was blaming his drinking and all this random stuff on everyone but himself.. He kept saying that he hadn't drank much and then he was saying that he had 4 beers and so on... He was going on and on about stupid stuff.. Come to find out , he was at Donny's and was gambling our money away, once again, on the stupid machines... I was waitign for him to hit my mom becuase she was actually sticking up for herself.... Uncle George left after my dad started accusing him of not helping around the house when he has been buying ALL of our food since he has been staying here...After my dad was done yellign for a bit he left then went to Uncle George's house and started sayign that we kicked him out (which really we didn't, he assumed that none of us wanted him here ... which was correct we just didn't say it..) and that he watned to stay there... Uncle George slammed the door in his face, which I think is funny... During this time is when I actualyl came out of my room to talk to everyone... My dad came back and Christy was on the phone with my uncle and yeah.. my dad came in yelling and saying it was all our fault and that my uncle had no right to do that.. My dad was pretty much guilt tripping us and stuff... guh... I wanted to say somethign this whole time but I kenw that if I did I would have gotten smacked... So yeah... He finally left and so did Christy around 5... It was after 5 by the time i was actually in bed...

I had to get up at 8 this morning to take a shower and get ready for church. I was so out of it... Zach came and picked me up and we went to Burger King (he didn't get anythign but I wanted a crasaunt...lol) then we went to Sunday school... Then there was the mornign service... lol.. We had a special guest band thing that sang.. I was so delirious this mornign, the stupidest thigns were making me laugh and I couldn't help it.. I am suprised that I am still up now....Anyway, after mornign service, Zach and I went to Aunt Deenee's house so she could meet him. Then Dawn called his cell and wanted to borrow my camera to go to the LOTR exhibit thingy so I decided since Zach had to work I watned to go with them, so I did. We went back to my house to meet up with Dawn and Andrew. Zach left and then we left... I wanted Zach to go with us...lol.. but yeah.. after that we went to Pilot then the bank ( and Andrew had a cop question him about his brake lights and he was speeding and so on.. he got away with it..)... Then off to the LOTR exhibit... It was awesome! I was upset that we couldn't take pics but yeah... I dunno... So after the exhibit we went to Dawn's mom's house and then to Marsh to get food. Then back to Dawn's mom's house and had tacos, which were yummy.. After that, I came home.. I am so tired and I think I am gonna go now and sleep becuase dad is home adn I dont want to have to look at his stupid, idiotic, druck ass self (sorry.. I feel like punching him in the face...)... So yeah.. night yall!

Missa

-.- Another thing to add to the "hate list" -.-

2005-11-05T20:54:00.000-05:00

Meh, I feel like crap today... I hate being a girl!! lol... It was so hot at work and I felt like throwing up. I was wearing a long sleeved shirt under my work shirt so that didn't help... I was constantly moving around and yeah...lol.. anyway... on to something else...

Lalalala!!! I am so bored... what to talk about here... Oh! Tonight Josh (my ex) came in... He was with his chess team and yeah... i was going crazy because EVERYONE decided to come in at that same time so we were busy and we had slow people on grill. Oh well.. anyway... yeah.. it was funny cause Josh kept messin with me and stuff. THey had all left and I guess they turned around because Andrew (one of my friends from forever ago that is now one of Josh's friends) threw his class ring away accidentally. lol.. So I had to help him dig through the trash for it (don't worry we wore gloves.. that trash is disgusting!!)... So yeah... lol... it was funny though... He was like freaking out. lol. Yeah... that is really all that has happend today... It was an interesting day.... I guess... Okay, I am gonna go now cause I am bored...

love yall!!

Missa

P.S. I will love you all more if you leave comments on my posts (or at least every other one)!! lol...

-.- Too early in the morning on a weekend-.-

2005-11-05T08:32:00.000-05:00

Extremely tired... and bored... lol.. I woke up to the sounds of my uncle's cell phone alarm thingy going off.. like 5 times it seems..lol.. It is too early...lol.. I layed there for like an hour or something trying to fall back asleep but cursed monthly thing kept me awake (**CRAMPS!**) lol.. meh..> I am kinda hungry but there is nothing around the house and yeah... lalalalalala!! Need to find somethign to do! lol... ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... okay, that didn't help me come up with anything.. *taps on keyboard and makes fun music...* wowza.. that is when you know you are bored....lol.. I guess I am gonna go and find somethign to do so yeah... byes...

Missa

-.- I hate geese!!! -.-

2005-11-04T23:51:00.000-05:00

I have realized... there are a few things I have decided to hate... Geese, cars driving by, and people coming in the house randomly..lol... Tonight alone there were so many things that ruined momments that it was annoying!! lol.. I have to admit though, the goose thing was pretty funny... So yeah, Zach and I were about to kiss (we were sitting by the lake) and a goose just randomly makes a really loud noise... It was halarious!! I was laughing so hard...lol..

So anyway, today was pretty good... School was normal other than the fact that it went by really fast... Zach picked Chani and me up from school and we had to make a CVS run because I hate being a chick! Then we came here and went for a walk then to Chani's then back here...We just hung out for a while till Dawn called and said that she wanted us to come up and see her so we did... Then we went to the mall.. then to the movies.. We went and seen Saw 2 and it was pretty good... Then we came back here and hung out for a little while then my dad came home... Then Uncle George and Eddie got here... So Zach and I went tothe lake and sat there for a while hanging out and stuff.. then that is when I decided that I hate geese because they ruined the moment (this time it wasn't Carl or my dad!!) lol... And yeah... we sat out there for a while and I didn't want him to leave.... We finally walked back to my house and stood by his car for a while and I still didn't wnat him to leave and yeah... I jsut wanted to stay in his arms forever... I feel happy and safe in his arms... teehee... I dunno.. lol.. maybe I am strange.... Its all good right? lol..

Anyway, that is my day pretty much.. tomorrow I have to work and I don't want to... Zach has to be in at 1 and works till 10 so that really sucks a lot... grr.. I dunno... *sleepy* I don't wanna go to bed... lol.. anyway... Yeah, so just in case yall didn't notice I changed the template and I still have the tagboard on here.. But, you can still post comments on the entries by clicking on the thing that says "comments" or "(some number) comments" directly under each entry and yeah.. you can post that way... I needresponseees!! lol.. I dunno.. gonna go now.

Love you all!!
Missa

-.- once again, a moment ruined -.-

2005-11-02T22:04:00.000-05:00

So now Carl is no longer the ruiner of good moments... it is now none other than my dad..... lol... poo!! lol.. its all good.. maybe sometime we will get lucky and not have all sorts of distractions around us.... lol..

Anyway... lol.. So tonight was pretty fun. John Hayden came to church for the first time in a while, which was awesome! Ericka is pregnant and everything with her and Michael is good and everythign with John and Nikki is good. I still say I don't like Michael though.. oh well, I can't do anything about that now..

I am talking to Robert about some stuff now... He is talking about how he is having girl problems andime he thinks there is gonna be something there, they just kinda ditch him... I understand but I mean, from my point of view.. He never called, he was always busy with his derby car, he was trying to help a friend, and all this other stuff... Well, to me, when my friends are having problems and they need help I still find the time to call my boyfriends or the guy I am dating or interested in... And most of them have done the same for me... The derby thing, he seriously uses most of his time with that... He can't spend that much time on it and never call or talk to them.. That just never works out... I don't think he knows how to show someone he cares enough.. I just don't think he is ready for a relationship... I dunno, that is just me though...

Anyway...I still can't get over that!! Stupid dad ruining our moment!! lol grr!!! CURSES!! lol... teehee **inocent little angel**... meh... that sadens me... lol.. its all good.. I just don't know... I wish we never really had to leave eachother... It sucks..lol.. Its like that icon thingy I have "I want to hold you and never let go"... *tear* I really really like him a lot... I know I haven't known him long but somethign just draws me to him it seems... It is kinda strange I think ( a good strange)... **random thought... I think there is always gonna be someone or somethign taht is gonna ruin the moment....**

But yeah... so anyway.. lalala I am really bored and I think I am gonna find a new template for this thing... byes

Love yall!
Missa

-.- No More Paper!!-.-

2005-11-02T16:51:00.000-05:00

So I just finished my paper! YAY!! lol.. that was about the most annoying thing ever... stupid in-text citations....lol... Anyway.... I am so bored... that paper made me bored.. I blame it all on it... Dern that Nathaniel Hawthorne (not really I like his stuff kinda...)! Anyawy.. Chani is in the living room watching Secret Window because Johnny Depp is sexy and yeah (sorry Zach!! I ♥ you!) lol... Okay, I think I am gonna go now.. bye byes!

Missa

-.- Oh happy days -.-

2005-11-02T10:40:00.000-05:00

Woohoo!! I am in Composition...cursed class... I hate this paper! lol... Nathaniel Hawthorne is kinda interesting but still.. I don't like having to do this paper over him and this story..lol... I don't have time!! oh well.I only have like 2 paragraphs left to do.. I have to finish it tonight before I go to church.

Anyway.. Tonight is super hero night at church and it is gonna be cool. I am going to have to broing my camera just to get funny pics of people... Okay, bell is abotu to ring so I am gonna go now... bye bye...

-.- Wonderful day! -.-

2005-11-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

So the past week has been great! I am so happy now.. I can't remember when the last time I was this happy was. The strange things is, for yall that have known me for a while and know how I am, that I am not scared... I do not feel like I am afraid of all the stuff I was afraid of before... I don't know.... But I feel great! For the first time in a long time I just feel so happy and carefree! teehee (hey, I am a poet and I didn't even know it.. but I did...lol)...

So I have also found that when I am having a great relationship and I am happy, then something is wrong with at least one of my friend's relationships... I guess Chani's drama is gone now that Nate's grandpa ungrounded him but still there is the other drama with Sarah and Josh, and some of my other friends... I am just learning to try to help them to the best of my ability and then not let it get to me and let it get me down. I am happy for a change and not all depressed and putting on a mask... For the longest time I did that, put on a mask to make myself seem like I was happy, I even convinced myself for a while... But now it is different.. I would say the last time I felt like I do now (as in carefree and not having to fake happiness) is a few months or so after Mason and I got together...since then it was always my mask and I wanted to get away from that for so long, and I finally have... I must say that I really do like Zach A LOT and I really hope we last.

Okay, I need to be getting to bed now because I have to get up and take a shower and get ready for school.. so yeah.. night!!

Love yas!
Missa

-.- Happy Halloween -.-

2005-10-31T20:45:00.000-05:00

So today was pretty much normal.. other than the fact that at work we were EXTREMELY busy for a Monday night... It sucked! I decided to put on a pengin mask so I wouldn't have to wear my hat too..lol.. it was hard to see but fun to see people's reactins in drive thru...lol...I dunno.. I am really bored and waiting for Zach to call.. He doesn't get off work for a little while though... lalalala... I think I am going to make this a short entry for once...lol.. I know I know.. .my last few entries have been really long so I kinda figured I would make this one short on you.. Or maybe I just wanna get a shower before I get on the phone for the rest of the night...lol.. okay, I am going now... byes!!

♥ yall!!
Missa

-.- Tonight rocked!! -.-

2005-10-30T23:02:00.000-05:00

Today was freaking awesome!!! I loved it! teehee.. I went to church and came back..lol.. normal there i guess... But I came home and around 3 or 3:30 Zach came over and we hung out for the rest of the night. It was kinda awkward at first cause it was just Chani, him, and me but we got over it I guess...lol.. Anyway... We sat here for a while then went to Rocktober. We waited for people to show up and finally David did, which I was glad because that broke some of the awkwardness.. So yeah, Rocktober "rocked my socks off" (as Luke would put it). It was pretty fun... Although, we left after the 3rd band (which was Luke's band). I gots pictures and stuff so those will be on my site soon enough.. probably by the end of the week. But yeah.. anyway... After Rocktober we went to McDonalds and ate and hung out. Carl got white stuff all over his jacket (let your mind wonder)... teehee.. After McDonalds we went to a haunted house that Zach's brother was helping out at.. It was alright, not worth what it cost.. Although I must say that Chani's reactions were pretty funny! So after that we went to Zach's house and I got to meet his mom.. He said that I am one of the first girls that he has brought home and got to meet his mom.. teehee.. I feel special! lol.. Yeah so anyway... After that he brought Chani and me home. Carl, Zach, and I were standing out on the porch and Carl was jsut kinda standign there. .He likes to ruin the moment so we have found...even if not purposely... So we sent him to the car and Zach and I stood on the porch for a few minutes kissing *teehee*... Yeah.. so... I came in and asked what my mom thought abotu him and she said she likes him, she just hasn't talked to him much yet though...My dad said the same thing, yet he was also drunk and wasted....lol *Zach, you should be glad that my parents liek you.. they don't usually like my boyfriends...and they tell me if they don't like them so yeah...*

It was kinda funny because my dad came in and fell asleep on teh couch by my mom and when she got ready to leave she made him get up to go to the bedroom and she left.. he was standing in the door way talkign and I guess he thought she was still here.. He fell asleep in his doorway talking to my mom, so he thought... and he woke up adn realized seh left...lol..it was funny..I was laughing at him... a lot... Okay, so there are times when I want to smack him when he is drinking, there are times when I want to laugh at him when he is drinking.. but most of the time I want to do both, like tonight!

Okay, so now I guess I am feeling kinda random... I didn't want tonight to end.. and I didn't want Zach to leave...I don't want to go to school tomorrow either....grr... I want there to be a day when neither of us work or when neither of us have somewhere to be that night or the next morning... I dunno...I must go and call him now lol his computer is being stupid so yeah... night yall!!

love yas!
Missa

Every Moment

2005-10-29T17:09:00.000-05:00

So here I was just looking up lyrics to change my name on Myspace to.. I decided to look at some Philmore lyrics because I haven't heard them in a while. I looked at a song called "Every Moment" and yeah. I like it a lot.. Here are the Lyrics...

Philmore - Every Moment
I'm loving every moment with you
Like the times that we wasted all afternoon
I liked it the most when you dressed up like a ghost
And kissed me in your parents living room

I'm loving every moment with you
When you smile and you laugh just like you do
If I could find a way I'd show you
Just how wonderful life has been since I've known you

I'm loving every moment with you
And I realize I don't have a clue
How could I live my life without you
But I'm terrified that I'm about to

I'm loving every moment with you
And I've waited all along 'til I was sure I knew
If I tell you that I love you I do
I would never make a promise unless it was true

It seems the hardest part of being apart
Is the waking after dreaming you were in my arms
And then I open eyes and I realize
The only thing I'm holding is a memory in my heart

It'll soon be six o'clock and I've gotta talk
I'm hating every moment until you get home and you call
I'll be all alone by the telephone waiting, waiting
To hear you love me after all

I'm loving every moment with you
'Cause you're everything I don't want to lose
I'll see you in a week or two
Then maybe I can spend the rest of my life with you

Yeah ... I really love this song... It remeinds me of the way I am when I feel like I am falling in love with someone... I am always afraid that I may say somethign wrong to lose them or that they may not feel the same... And also the fact that I would never say it unless I meant it.. "I would never make a promise unless it was true" Yeah, I think that is what I am gonna make my myspace name.. so yeah.. okay... well I am gonna go now.. Bye byes!!

♥ Missa ♥

Today was fun!

2005-10-28T18:44:00.000-05:00

Lets see here... What has happend since Wednesday?? um.. Thursday I wa sonline all day...lol.... then I went to work, which was interesting... I worked with Carl and David. So Carl was messing with me a lot about Zach.. Zach told him that we kissed and yeah.. it was funny...Carl told David so David was messing with me a lot too...lol.... Carl jumped out of the drive-thru present window...lol.. it was HALARIOUS! lol.. Anyway, after work I came home and did some of my homework, whichI should be doing now.. After a while I got online and waited for Zach to get home from work. He called me while he was waiting for his brother at some haunted house thing and he ended up scratching the passenger side of his car lol... So yeah.. we were on the phone for a while and we made plans to get together today.

Then there is today.. Zach came over about 10:40 or 11 or something and we hung out for the day till he had to go to work, which he called them saying he would be like an hour and a half late teehee... So yeah, we jsut hung out for a while and talked, listened to music, and watched "I love the 80's " lol.. I really didn't want him to leave at all.. We walked outside to his car and stood there just hugging forever and I didn't want to let go... We kissed then just hugged for a while again... lol.. Yeah... I really like him a lot... I don't know when the last time I was this happy was.. I really think we can last a while and I really hope we do... I wanna say that I think there is something there but I don't want to curse myself.. I don't want to let my stupidity or fears get in the way of this relationship... I am tired of all of that stuff.. that is the reason it always hurts so much , becuase I let my fears get a hold of me.. and I can't do that anymore... I am REALLY happy and I don't want to loose

Anyway.. that is all I have for now.. bye byes

♥ Missa ♥

Yay! Happiness!!

2005-10-26T22:00:00.000-05:00

*tear* I didn't want him to leave tonight... hehe.. We hung out here for a while and stuff, it was pretty fun. Dawn adn Andrew invited us to go and hang out with them so we joined them instead of going to church tonight. It was fun . We went to Arby's and then to PetSmart and saw Justin and Jericka and Bo Bo (Jericka's brother)... lol.. it was fun... (I ahve said that way to many times in this entry so far)... teehee.. yeah so after we came back from hanging out with them we were here for a while till he had to leave... I went out to his car with him and we hugged.. for like... 3 minutes... lol.. I didn't want him to leave and yeah... And we kissed! teehee!! I came in and Dawn just looked at me strange... lol.. teehee... I am so glad that I decided to go out with him becuase I am so happy now! I can't remember the last time that i was this happy .. hehe.... Dawn was like "it took you long enough.... to find a good guy" lol. She approves...teehee.. wow... I just told Robert cause he was wanting to hang out in a couple of weeks... yeah... he never made an effort before and I don't care so yeah.. I didn;t feel anythign much for him anyway... Plus, I REALLY like Zach a lot and I am so happy now... teehee.. well I am gonna go now... bye byes!!

Love yall!
♥ Missa ♥

past few days.. sorry...lol.. long..

2005-10-26T09:56:00.000-05:00

I wil fill you in by day, that I remember....lol....

Sunday night: Sunday night was great. After I got my camera and stuff, Jessica and I went to church. We were there like an hour early so we walked to Aunt Deenee's house in the FREEZING cold. We talked to them for a while and then came back to the church. Zach and Carl were there. Zach brought me a white chocolate caramel cappuccino and it was soooo good...loll.. I haven't had one in forever. lol.. So yeah, we were hanging out with them. David got there eventually. I was taking random pictures of things and stuff just because...lol... Yeah... lol.. We went inside for church and I was sitting between Zach adn Logan (Logan was being strange and I wanted to hurt him...lol...) Renee made Zach move up by her and Carl so I was then sitting by Jessica and Logan lol. I was so hyper during service adn stuff becauise of the cappuccino and I couldn't stay still.. I kept laughing and i have no clue why. ..lol.. Anyway.. lol... after service we all went outside and hung out. My mom was there but I didn't wanna leave so I kinda just sat there for a little while takling to people and looking through the pictures on my camera. Then I went to McDonalds to get some nuggets or something and I took random pictures of people there and takled to Ian about picking me up from school Tuesday, which you will later find that he didn't... Then I came home and got online and takled to Zach. He told me that Carl and Renee were talking about something and had said soemthing about Zach and me and he wanted to know fi I knew what they were saying. We both agreed that we would ask them at school. So yeah. we talked for a while and then got offline I think around 10:30 or a little later..

Monday: I woke up and went to school, normal mornign routine. I asked Renee on the bus what they were talking about and she said that they were talkign about how they though Zach and I would make a cute couple and that tehy were gonna try to get us together. she was like "I know he likes you and i know you like him... last night you guys were acting like you were going out more than you were just friends" then somethign about how we looked at eachother and how we looked into eachothers eyes. lol.. I dunno.. but yeah... At school I was showing people pictures and Jericka was looking though them and said Zach was really cute and that was kinda funny lol... during 2nd hour, I think i was annoying Jericka becuase I wouldn't stop talking...lol.. I was still hyper form the cappuccino that I drank throughout the weekend. lol... During 4th, Renee, Chani, and I were all passing notes across the room to eachother during the movie taht we were supposed to be watching. And that was fun...lol.. At work I was expecting Ian to come in to talk to me about Tuesday but he never came in . his mom called work to see if he was there because seh had no clue where he was ...After i got home I called his house and he still wasn't there. His mom said that he hadn't shown up even the night before. So I was starting to get mad and I raelly don't care anymore ... Ian has made me mad enough times and that was the last time... After all taht stuff I talked to Zach online and that is when we started going out.. it was kinda random really..I asked him what Carl had said and he said waht Renee said adn then he said that he didn't disagree adn so on.. so yeah.. we started going out and it was REALLY random though.. lol.. We were both really hyper for the rest of the night and we were talking till about 11 or later...lol it was fun.. I finally went to bed and it took me forever to fall asleep....lol... I was so hyper and happy that it was crazy....

Tuesday: I woke up and my earring was stuck on my mesh pillow thing...lol.. it hurt like crazy!! I didn't want to get up becasue I was tired but oh well. I figured it is only a half day so oh well.. get up... lol.. I got ready for school adn I was runnign behind. Chani was getting impatient with me because the bus was coming and I was running behind...lol.. I got to school adn told Jericka the news and she kinda freaked out (good way).. I told Renee adn she was freaking out (also a good way) and yeah.. it was really funny. I was really hyper again and I was talking a lot in 2nd hour and I think Jericka was annoyed by it again..lol.. Either way! lol.. after school I kinda looked to see if Ian was there and I didn't see him so I didn't care.. Dawn rode the bus home with me. We got home adn decided to go to Rockers and get cappuccino and stuff.. It was soo cold out! lol.. We got home and decided to get ready for work. I was waitign for Zach to call but he called like right after we left for work *tear* I clocked into work an hour early and I felt like throwing up because of the capuccino... I think I drank it too fast,....lol... I was hyper and I think Mike was gettign annoyed by me... I ended up going to drive-thru cash, which sucks because I was SOOO cold i was shivering... I kept gogni up to David and putting my hands on his arms because he was warm..lol... i told David that I was going out with Zach and that Ian was annoying me and I was mad at him and he said he was happy about that and that he approved of Zach.. lol.. I found it kinda funny...lol... Anyway.. I got off 10 minutes late and my dad wasnt even there.. I had to call and once again he was a half hour late.. He was sleeping.. GRR...lol.. I came home and talked to Zach online for a while then he got offline and called me. We were on the phone till about 12.. I kinda felt bad becuase he had school today..lol.. But yeah. He is coming over here after he gets otu of school, if his mom will let him. After we got off the phone I went to bed

SO here I am not typing up this entry that is probably by far the longest entry I have typed in a while.. I am still nto done though.. See, that was all just the stuff that happend throguhotu the days..Now I am gonna tell you why I am jsut forgetting about Ian.. Thanks to people like Chris, David, adn Chani, I have decided to nto go for him.. I had to convince myself he wasn't worth my time adn that I didn't need him to be happy. I began to realize that all he did was stress me out more.. He made me worry about things and he made me feel like I had to watch out. I knew that if I ended up going for him then I may get dragged into something that I didn't want to be involved in. I am so thankful for the friends I have becasue they helped me realize that. I didn't need any of his crap and thank you guys sooo much for showing me that. See, now I am so happy... I am happy with Zach. I don't feel so stressed out and I don't feel so used or whatever. I know for a fact that if i went for Ian then I would feel so used and stressed.. but yeah... I could care less about Ian... I talked to Doug last night and asked if he knew where he had beent eh past 2 or 3 days and he said he hadn't seen him.. I think he probably got taken to jail for being stupid... that is just my theory... But I dunno..

Okay, now see where I am coming from? I am done now, the entry is done..lol.. thank you for reading and thank you guys so much for helping me see through the craziness!!

Love yall!
Missa

little bit of stuff

2005-10-25T06:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't been updating..I have been kinda busy this weekend... I don't have time to update now but I will do so after school, considering we have a half day and the rest of teh week off!! So yeah, Everythign that I post tonight may fill yo in on as to why I didn't go for Ian and why I am with Zach now. All I have time to say now is that I have come to realize, with the help of awesome friends, that i deserve SOO much better than Ian... But I have to go now so yeah.. bye byez!!

Missa

yay!!!

2005-10-24T22:43:00.000-05:00

Yay!! I am taken!!! hehe.. No, it is not by Ian, thankfully.. Better!! Zach!!! hehe... YAY!!!!! **Runs around house like a crazy person** okay.. that is all I wanted to say..lol.. night night yall!!

"Orgasm in cappiccino form!"

2005-10-23T09:03:00.000-05:00

*note* for thsoe of you that absolutly do not want to hear about Ian at all the first part of this is all abotu him (none of it bad though)... The second part is kinda really random and nothing to do with Ian... so there ya go....(oh and the title of this entry, you would have to read the second part of the entry to get it...)

Wow.... So this weekend....Saturday at work David was telling me that he thinks that Ian is the type that wouldn't take no for an answer... He wouldn't tell me why for the longest time and stuff... He finally told me why and I laughed at him becasue of what he said.... lol... "She wants my balls" lol.. that is what David said that Ian said when I left work Friday night.. I mean, it was jsut funny hearing David say that.... he is not the type to say that.... it is really funny...lol.. Anyway... I called Ian at work last night to see if he could come out here and hang out with Chani, Jess and me (yeah, don't worry, if it was jsut me I would not have him come over.... plus my dad was home...lol.. and I knew my brother would be home by the time he would have came over...)..... He wasn't able to because he didn't have the gas money to and he said he wouldn't till today. So he called me when he got home (he is not living with Jeremy because somethign Jeremy did.. his mom wouldn't let him stay there I guess.. Ian is temporarily staying with his mom), which was at about 1 something..lol.. We were all so hyper.. lol... We were on the phone for what had to be an hour or so just talking... It was fun. He said that he was tryign to not cuss as much and try to behaive and stuff because he knows that i am a Christian and stuff.. He also said he is tryin to quit smoking too because he is tired of waking up and coughing and also the fact that he couldn't afford ciggarettes.. Which is all so awesome.... I know that he isn't on drugs anymore because i would definantly be able to tell by the way he acted or by the way he looks...Plus he has to get drug tested every couple of weeks too because he is still an outpaitent at the Anderson Center... He isn't as bad as some people make him out to be... Don't worry because I won't go out with him until we have at least hung out a couple of times outside of work..I want to know what he is like outside of work more. I dunno... I am supposed to call him today before 5 if I can. Pretty much just to talk. And we are gonna hang out Tuesday after school because he is picking me and Chani up from school, which is cool. lol... that rhymed....

Okay, so for all yall of that are tired of hearing me talk about Ian...lol... It was funny, last night I was talking to Zach and we were talking about how I was drinkign a cappiccino and I was really freaking hyper and stuff... He then says somethign about a white chocolate caramel cappiccino.. He was like "white chocolate caramel cappichno: orgasm in cappiccino form!!" lol it was HALARIOUS! and he may bring me one today before church.. hehe... yumm... They are realy good!! lol... wow... so I am really kidna tired and feel like throwing up because I was really hyper last night andf I was drinknig my cappiccino and I was dancing around and being crazy and once I settled down I felt sick...lol.... That was amusing though.... lol...so yeah... lol... WOOHOO!!! lol.. bored... TOOO MANY "lol"s IN ONE SHORT TIME!!! !ACK!@!!! hehe... wow... spaz... my stomach kinda really hurts.. No more drinking cappiccino late at night again! eak... lol.. YAY!~!! I get to get my digital camera today (hopefully)!! lol.. I didn't get it yesterday because I realized taht I can't take out more than $200 a day adn I wanted $350 out because i need ot get the camera and a card that is big enough.... lol... yeah...so I am really bored now... I am gonna go so ttyl!

Love yall!!
♥ Missa ♥

good news to me I think...

2005-10-21T21:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, so tonight was just as I expected it to be at work.... But that isn't a bad thing (to me I guess) ... *cowars and hides as I explain*... I know that most, if not all of you, will not like this....Here it goes.... I came in tonight trying to ignore him because I knew if I even payed attention to him then I would fall for him again... And I had convinced myself that I didn't want to be with him... until tonight.. when he came over to me and was talking to me... everything came back and I fell for him again... so yeah... The whole night we were talking... He explained what happend with alot of stuff and yeah... We were on break together adn we talked about stuff... He kept on sayign that he wanted me to go out with him but I told him that I wanted to just hang otu as friends first, see what he is like outside of work... And he is okay with that.. He wants to pick me up after school Tuesday since it is a half day... He is also going to call me sometime this weekend to talk about whatever.... He was wantign to come over or call tongiht but he decided not to becuase he closes...which means midnight before he gets out of there.. So yeah... David looked kidna mad when I was talkign to Ian right after work and when I gave him a hug.. and when I came back in to get my check and talk about gettign together sometime with him... I dunno... Sothat is what most of you are gonna hate... the fact that Ian and I are going to hang out and stuff... No he doesn't do drugs anymroe, no he doesn't steal (he was falsley accused because his friends car was parked by his house and he wasn't even home at the time).... So yeah...

Anyway, on a different note.. I was talkign to Becca today and she said that my eye may be twitchign because I need potasium.. she told me to eat a banana and I said that i didn't ahve bananas in a strange way and her and David died laughing...lol.. it was funny... so yeah, my eye hasn't twitched this whole tiem I have been typign this entry and it has been about a half hour!!! darnet... I spoke too soon...lol... GUH!! !IT IS COLD!!!!! I HATE FALL AND WINTER!!!! lol... anyway, I am gonna go now... bye byez

dedodedo!

2005-10-21T06:51:00.000-05:00

Lalala... okay so I am kinda tired.. but oh well.. It is really cold in my house... I had a little heater thing in my room all night and it still didn't help much... oh well.. Anyway, last night was fun. We met up with Carl and Zach and hung out with them most of the time. It seemed that Nate got along with both Carl and Zach pretty well... I could kinda sense a nervousness and shyness in Nate, which was kinda funny.... Nate shy?? lol.. haha.. He got use to them adn started talking though... It was pretty fun hanging out with everyone. Zach and I were having "camera wars" and yeah... We were trying to get pictures of eachother. During the concert it was really amusing seeing Nate's, Carl's, and Zach's reactions to some of the choirs and to Dreyer.. lol.... It was kinda funny... *twitch* I just got done telling myself that I wasn't going to twitch today but I guess my eye begs to differ... GUH! lol.. sorry... that was a total subject change... lol... wowza... anyway... I an gonna go now because I am tired and don't wanna type...lol.... byez!

twitch

2005-10-20T16:11:00.000-05:00

I got up this morning and was really tired... I didn't want to move at all.. lol... It was all good though because I had McDonalds for breakfast.... I mainly wanted my parfeit but I didn't get to eat it because of the stupid building.. it took too long to build... I had to throw it away *tear*... Anyway... My eye has STILL been twitchign all day.. for the past 3 days now!!! GUH!!! Maybe Mike was right.. maybe it is some hidden or subconcsious anxiety... It could be stress...Where would the stress be from*sarcasm*??? Oh wait, don't answer that., I already know the answer to that.... curses... I dunno... now both eyes are doing it all of the sudden!! lol.. wowza... that feels strange...lol.. ANYWAY!! tonight is Chani's choir concert! It is gonna be pretty cool I guess... If anything else, I have Nate, Zach, and Carl to talk to if it is annoying..lol.. *love ya Chani!*

I am listening to Slipknot - Vermillion pt.2 and it is awesome! hehe... I am rather tired and bored and stuff... I think I may be going over to Chani's soon.. it is 4:03... We may be going to McDonalds... I dunno though... Ian works tonight I think... I dunno about htat stuff.. I do like him but I know people would kill me.. One person in particularly.. Most of the time I wouldn't care what others think of my boyfriends or the guys I like, but there is one person in particularly that I don't want to be upset with me, him being a person I like too (no none of you know who I am speaking of...NO ONE knows at all so yeah..)...I just know that I can't be with that person for certain reasons that I must not mention.. I know, I am being a typical girl and having all these crushes...lol... it is kidna funny... nah, but most of these crushes I wouldn't go out with for obvious reasons... So yeah, I am NOT being a whore...lol... *eye twitches*

lol.. anyway... that was awkward... it is hard to try to work around saying too much about people when saying that you like someone...lol.. it is funny though.. okay... I think I am gonna go now... bye byez!

2005-10-19T21:35:00.000-05:00

I loved tonight! It was so awesome! The service was about worship. Well, the praise team played one song then Chris came up and talked for a few minutes then the praise team went back up for the rest of the time. It was great. People were praising God and stuff.. I like weeks like this, when people are spending time there praising God, rather than talking and passing notes and stuff... Not only was the service fun, after service was pretty fun too. I just hang out with Chris, Carl, David, and some other people the whole time. I was beign attacked by people!! They kept tickling me and stuff.. it was fun... lol...

So.... About all the stuff going on, the whole time that I was at church (including before and after service) I didn't think about all the stuff going on once... That is one thing I love about going becuase I have a habbit (a good one) of leaving my problems at home when I go to church or church functions. It is great! I do that becuase I want the time to be specifically for God and I want to have fun praising God and not have to worry about what is going on at home and what not. I guess lately I have been doing better in my walk, and that is awesome! I just need to get even more into it all... I want to be like I use to be, when I first became a Christian, I was wantign to do everything for the Lord.. I wanted to read the Bible, I watned to pray all teh time, I watned to minister all the time! I need to get back to that spot... I need to get back to how I was before Mason...

So anyway.. Tomorrow is Chani's concert, again... I am going tomorrow night and I get to see her dancing with a chair..lol...wowza..

YAY!!! I may be able to get McDonalds or Burger King tomorrow for breakfast!! Yippie!! lol.. wow.... I am kidna hyper and tired at the same time.. that happens a lot...lol.. ummmm...... lets see here... I think I am gonna go now.. talk to you later!!

Cry Out To Jesus

2005-10-19T16:00:00.000-05:00

I was in second hour and I was going to post an entry but I ran out of time... I am going to post that Third Day song that Emily is wanting the drama group to do...

Third Day - Cry Out to Jesus

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

See! It is an emotional song. I love it though. I can relate to most of the verses in some way or another... It is really sad and it is going to be so effective if we are able to do it. I know that this is one that will be great for the teens and the adults no matter what.... We were just sitting there listening to the song and people were crying. Think about if we act out scenes and make it serious.... It will be so emotional and it could reach so many people... Okay, that is all I really have for now.. I will post some other time.. probably later tonight because I am planning on going into McDonalds and getting food tonight... So yeah... I will post later tonight after church probably!!

random morningness

2005-10-19T06:53:00.000-05:00

Tired...lol.. I kept hitting my alarm clock till about 6:27...lol.. yeah.... so anyway.... Yay! Youth group tonight! it is gonna be so fun! hehe... I like services like last week, where everyone is in the spirit and praising God for all the wonderful works He does. I love nights like that! Although it makes some people feel uncomfortable, it makes me feel safe. I dunno... Lalalal!!! really bored and I don't want to go to school! We have a half day next Tuesday then don't have to come back to school till the next monday!! hehe..I am excited!! Welll I am gonna go now.. byez

good or bad.... you tell me...

2005-10-18T20:42:00.000-05:00

Last night was kidna.. eh...lol.. Today.. eh... lol.. yeah... So this could be good or bad I guess... I still don't know what to think of it, I haven't had time to sort it all out in my mind yet.. Here is the news... Ian got his job back.. He is on 30 day probation so he can't call in, miss a day of work, or be late in those 30 days.. That is okay news I guess... This is the part I haven't really decided yet... Ian moved out of Bev's house (which is awesome!) but he moved into Jeremy's house, here in Carefree,... down the street from me.... That is what I am still not sure about.. It isn't that I expect that he is going to try doing thigns to me or whatever...It is the fact that now I am afraid that I will have more reasons to like him or more ways to be with him... I still do like him and I still don't know why... but I probably shouldn't... I just want to be friends with him and that is all for now... maybe if he can prove to me that he isn't lying and that he actually cares then I will ... but only then... I dunno what to think about this situation at all.. I kidna want to go over to Jeremy's house and talk to Ian about it... and see if he can look me in the eye and tell me he isn't lying and tell me that he is actually trying... I dunno... Most of my friends wouldn't like it if I went for him because they know how he is/was... Yet, the Robert thing, I have no clue how that is gonna end up either... I don't know anything right now.. It is really sad when I don't even know what I am feeling... I don't know.... I think I am gonna go and find somethign to do now.. bye byez

Missa

2005-10-18T06:55:00.000-05:00

Well, this morning I am SOO tired...I did not want to get up out of my nice, warm bed... meh, I so can not wait till fall break! It is going to be great!

Anyway, what to talk about this morning. It is already 6:40 so I can't go too in depth with anything... hmmm... Okay, I can talk about yesterday I guess.. I went to school with more energy than I should have had./..I didn't think I was going ot be that awake yesterday because of the concert. lol... So yeah.. anyway, school was alright, and so was work. Luke came into McDonalds at some point to get food. It was kinda funny... umm.... I came home and noticed that Josh had called me so I went in my room and called him. He said he just wanted someone to talk to. He said that his parents were fighting again adn blaming him for crap. He sounded upset... I still watn to hurt him for doing certain things... He doesn't drink anymore, he quit that so that is good. There are other things I wish he wouldn't do though.. GRR!! anyway, we were talking for a while and that was pretty fun. We just kinda talked about whatever came to our minds reallly... I realized something last night when I was talking to him...I really do miss him.. And sometimes I wonder if we are ever going to get back together... In all honesty he treated me great! He would never do something if I told him I didn't feel it was right... He respected me and loved me... I sometimes wonder if he would take the chance again.... I know I would... I knew something was there that night when I broke up with him.I was just kinda confused as to what I wanted..I was pushing away because I KNEW there was something there... I sometimes want to ask him what he thinks about it... I sometimes want to ask if he still feels the same about me... What I did to him was completely heartless on my part... and I know that I hurt him.. But I dunno... I guess that was mainly what I was thinking last night... Oh! lol.. this is completely random thought... I was talking to Kim at work yesterday and she asked me if Ian and I were together and I told her no that there was someone else I am "dating" and I told her about Robert. I told her that he was pretty much ready to kiss me or make out or whatever and yet he wasn't ready to have a girlfriend. Even Kim, of all people, felt that was wrong of him... lol...I thought that was funny... Okay, anyway, back to waht I was saying... My point is of this section I guess is taht I still feel something for Josh, what it is I have no clue... But I know there is something still there... I don't think I will be doing anythign about it any time soon but I dunno.. I am gonna go now.. bye byez!!

Love yall!
♥ Missa ♥

What to think of it.........

2005-10-17T22:44:00.000-05:00

I think the last thing I posted about really was Friday night.. I guess I could talk about Saturday night... I dunno what to think about it though... I guess I will just talk about the maint hing and what I was thinking the whole time...

I was at work and stuff and I was getting annoyed by the stupid people.. I don't know.. they annoy me I guess... Anyway, nothing really happend till about the time Tiny came in ( by that I mean i wasn't thinking about anythign really)... I was talking to him about Ian and I asked him waht he knew.. And as I suspected, he hasn't been putting forth any effort at all to try to stop his crap... We talked about that stuff for a few minutes... Then I had to leave after a while (for once my paretns were on time!!!)... Anyway, I came home and was hanging out with Chani, Nate, and Robert. It was pretty fun. I figured by the end of the night Robert would ask me out and stuff but I guess I was wrong... THe whole night was fun, I loved hanging out with him. We were in the van on the way to Nate's house (he was spending the night there) and I was sitting by Robert, of course... And we were kinda cuddling and stuff. He eventually kissed me... a few times... Chani and Nate caught us kissing too..it was kinda funny... So anyway, we got ot Nathan's house and they guys got out and we gave them hugs adn lala alla... Nathan went over and was talkign to Allison and then CHani told Robert to go by her cause seh wanted to talk to him abotu siomething.. She asked him if he was going ot ask me out that night and ( I am not supposed to know any of this) he was saying that he was afraid of a relationship and he was afraid of getting involved or wahtever because of his last girlfriend.. he said that he didn't know if he was ready yet... Yeah, that is understandable, but you don't say that you aren't ready for a girlfriend or whatever and turn around and pretty much make out with someone!! I felt like crap when Chani told me that...It made me feel like I was being used... Just like all the times I have been used before.... I don't know....It makes me feel like I am not worth anything but than to just be used.. I mean...I wouldn't have kissed him back or anything if I knew he wasn't going ot ask me otu that night.. I wouldn't have kissed him back if I knew that he wasn't ready for a girlfriend... It makes me feel so used and like a whore or something (exaggerating a bit but you get my point...)... I just know that i have done that to a guy before, led him on and made him think that there was somethign there and so on... I later found out how much it hurt him after talking to him about it... I know that i screwed up! Now I find guys doing the same thing to me... I am saying now.. I am sorry guys that I have hurt by leadign you on when I felt there was nothign there at the time... Chris, Josh adn whoever else I have done that to... I just don't want it to happen to me again... I hate the feeling... ANYWAY!! Going on with the ngiht.. I was thinking about that for the rest of the night... We went to McDOnalds on our way home and stuff and yeah.. Tiny was working so he called me over to him. He said that Ian ahd stopped in and asked about me. Tiny told Ian that I wanted to talk to him about something and so Ian said he would call me, which he didn't... I really didn't care too much at that time... I just wanted to go home and curl up in my bed and sleep... I had too much on my mind to add more to it.. I didn't need to be thinking about the Ian thing too!! I dunno.. Yeah... so then we went home and I slept.. I was out as soon as I layed down pretty much...

On Sunday we had drama practice.... Emily wants to do a song by Third Day taht is EXTREMELY emotional.. It is gonna be raelly hard to do becuase I know that everytime I hear that song I am going to watn to cry... It is all good though..lol.. I started cryingthe second time we were listening to it.. Okay., so after drama there was the cncert, which was freaking AWESOME!! While I was there I didn't care about anything..My mind was on the badns and God the whole time and I didn't care about the drama in my life. When we got there before the music started I was lookign for Luke and it wasn't till a few minutes before the first band (Kids in the Way) went on that I found him. I didn't say anything to him jsut because.... I dunno... but yeah.. we were in the pit and it was great. The concert was awesome, the people were awesome, it was a blast! Brittany and I walked to where the boothes were before one of the bands to get stuff and as we were leavign the pit Luke was like "Hey! Melissa!" and yeah, I was supriesed he recognized me really...lol... I dunno.. I ended up spending like $80 at the concert... 3 shirts and 3 cds, and a sticker...lol.. so yeah... after the concert we were hangign out outside of the auditorium thing and stuff.. we all decieded to go to Taco Bell (including Luke's group)... I didn't get home till about 11 adn didn't get to sleep till about 12... I got up at 6 this mornign feeling pretty awake actually... It was kinda cool! lol.>I dunno.. righ tnow I am just thinking about everythign so I am kinda hyper, tired, upset. and happy all at the same time... It is kinda strange... wee!! Sea of emotions!!! lol... ANYWAY I really need sleep so yeah.. night!

Much love in Christ!
♥ Missa ♥

new template!!!

2005-10-15T10:02:00.000-05:00

So I have this new template and I really like it a lot.. I think I am gonna keep this one for a while... What do you guys think?? You should leave a message in my tagboard!! lol.. I dunno... bored... I am gonna finish gettting ready for work now... bye byez!

♥ Missa ♥

I hate jam....

2005-10-14T23:30:00.000-05:00

YAY!!! I am finally done with that STUPID report! lol.. GUH!! lol. I was stressing SOOOO much over it.. oh well...

Today was alright... I was really tired cause of my mom waking me up this morning...lol... that was funny.. School was boring as usual I guess.. nothing new really... ummm... Robert and Nate were supposed to come over tonight to hang out but it took paretns too long to give final desicions... So we finally decided we were going to go pick Nate up and we had passed the Anderson exit and we were about 2 o3 miles from the Daleville exit (where we were gettign off) and there was 2 REALLY bad wrecks... so that sucked.. we left our house about 5 or 5:30 adn didn't decide to turn around till about 7 or something... it was crazy... SO yeah, we didn't end up meeting up with Nate or anything... We came back home and I have been doing my paper from about 8 to just now...lol... guh! wowza...

I am not talking to Robert. I really can't wait till tomorrow, we get to hang out and it is gonna be fun! Then I get to go to the concert on Sunday.. or as Tyler put it I am going to a "narley" concert and I am totally "stoked"! lol... gotta love Tyler..hehe.. He is funny! Anyway..I am bored.. I am gonna go for now.. bye byez!

Scarey! lol...

2005-10-14T06:58:00.000-05:00

At 12:30 this morning I was sleeping perfectly welll... I think I was dreaming but I am not sure... either way... I hear a loud banging on my window and i jumped up and hit my alarm clock and stared at the window.. I heard my mom say something then I jumped up and opened the back door.. My dad had locked my mom out of the house!!! lol.. I was wide awake after that ..lol.. I was so freaked out! hehe.. okay, going now.. bye bye

sc hool

2005-10-13T14:37:00.000-05:00

Woohoo!! I thought this was blocked at school but I guess I was wrong.. I am supposed to be doing my Earthquake 3 page report....lol.. shh...lol... It is due MOnday before 8:15 AM... so yeah.I ahve all weekend and i am on the 2nd page right now...

I am really bored yall! This is so annoying right now.. I can't concentrate because people are loud .. oh well.. lol.. so yeah.. I jsut saved the report to this as a "draft" jsut in case my stupid disk decides to not work for me... maybe I should do the same for the sites.... yeah, that would be smart...lol... okay, done with that... There is about 25 minutes left in class and I don't wanna be here at all... Right after school I have to speed out of here to go to my locker and go outside to ride with Dawn because we both ahve ot be at work by 4... So yeah, I am gonna have to hurry as much as I possibly can... lalalala... I found 2 more songs on the cd that I love!! I will post them at the end of this too... So when I get home tonight I HAVE to do as much of my report as I can and I can not forget about it!! GUH!! I am so gonna fail this class... meh... I hate this...

Oh my goodness! This is so boring! lol... I have about 13 minutes left... I am just kinda rambling here and it is really fun kinda I guess... lol... wowza... lol... ummm.... So I can't get to Myspace or i would have been there right now.. It isn't as fun on here because I all I can do is type.. there I could read stuff like Luke's blog and stuff (he has a lot of lyrics and poems and stuff like that on there) Luke is someone I work with sometimes... He is pretty cool. Hmm... I think I am gonna go now so I will post those lyrics for yall... (WHY IN THE WORLD DO I KEEP SAYING YALL!!!!)

Much love to ya!
♥ Missa ♥

I Go Crazy - DHT

Hello boy it's been a while
Guess you'll be glad to know
That I've learned how to laugh and smile
Getting over you was slow
They say old lovers can be good friends
But I never thought I'd really see you
I'd really see you again

I go crazy
When I look in your eyes I still go crazy
No my heart just can't hide that old feelin' inside
Way deep down inside
Oh, baby, you know when I look in your eyes I go crazy

You say she satisfies your mind
Tells you all of her dreams
I know how much that means to you
I realize that I was blind
Just when I thought I was over you
I see your face and it just ain't true

I go crazy
When I look in your eyes I still go crazy
That old flame comes alive, it starts burning inside
Way deep down inside
Oh, baby, you know when I look in your eyes I go crazy

I go crazy
You know when I look in your eyes I go crazy
I go crazy
You know when I look in your eyes I go crazy
No my heart just can't hide that old feelin' inside
Way deep down inside
I go crazy

Why - DHT

(Don’t say goodbye)

Dark outside early in the morning
In the cold standing on my own
I feel lost, don’t know where I’m going
Without you I’m all alone
(Without you I’m all alone)

Where are you and God
Why did you leave me?
You were the one to fill my life
Suddenly I can never see you Torn away without goodbye

[Chorus 2x]Why
Tell me why
What I want is another chance
To show you that I love you
That I need you
‘Cuz I want you by my side

It’s your love
All the things about you
I wish that I could turn back time
Your soft touch all over my body
Just one thing is on my mind

Where are you
And why did I lose you
You were the one to fill my life
Suddenly I can never see you
Torn away without goodbye
(Without goodbye)

[Chorus 3x]Why
Tell me why
What I want is another chance
To show you that I love you
That I need you
‘Cuz I want you by my side

Why

Yup, so those are the songs.. they are pretty awesome!! lol.. wow.. does that show you how bored I am in this stupid class??? oh wel.. I am gonna go now. bye

It's time to get up!!

2005-10-13T06:50:00.000-05:00

It is only 6:50 AM and I am really tired... HELP ME!! lol.. I dunno.. so my goal tonight for this blog is to explain how I feel I relate to the songs in my previous entry. If I don't end up doing that then oh well.. I am planning on sometime starting a new blog (NOT TO MOVE THIS ONE OR WHATEVER!) for poetry and it may have some of my favorite songs and stuff.. I will let yall know when I get that one started. I won't start it until I have some new poems that I have written. I will have some of my favorite ones that I have already written on there though. So Don't worry, I am not starting a new journal blog thing.. I am starting a poetry collection because it is better to start my own here rather than on Allpoetry where all sorts of peolpe could steal my stuff if they desired and that would make me mad... I dunno.. But yeah... I am also planning on getting my kitten soon, I know I know...I have been saying that since Chris and I were together but I am actually going to try to get my kitten this weekend, if not then next weekend because this weekend is VERY busy for me... Well that is all I feel like typing so I am goign to leave now... bye byez!

♥ Missa ♥

But I know there is another truth...

2005-10-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

Hmm.. Today started out kinda fast acutally considering we had PSATs first thing in the morning... Actually, it went faster than the last 2-3 hours of school went...lol.. sadly.. After school I came home and then went to Chani's then we went to Burger King then to church. Church tonight was awesome. I could feel God in the place, it was great! A lot of people seemed to rededicate their lives to God, including me. Lalala.. Then after service Chani discovered when her mom came to get us that her cat was in the van. So we got Oreo out and started playing with her. It was fun. SO here I am now at home.. kinda hungry but yeah.. I am hyper and stuff, need music... hehe.. I am listening to DHT''s "Listen to your heart" hehe.. I just finished downloading it.. I am also talking to Robert. I have decided to completely give up on Ian, andI mean it this time... I can't let him hold me down and I don't need to be with someoen like that.. I jsut have to have people help me get away from him as in not want to be with him.... We are just kinda asking eachother questions to get to know eachother better.... It is kinda fun.. hehe... I should probabyl be doing my homework but I don't wanna... hmmm.. OH! I was listening to the DHT cd and I found a song that I ABSOLUTLY LOVE!! Actually, I found like 2.. I will post the lyrics on here at the end of this, which will be soon because I am getting very bored with this...lol.. yeah.. lyrics are comign now...

Someone - DHT

You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can weep
When you love someone

Feels extreme when you dream and you scream
When you love someone

If you feel that strong
Can you see that one

[Chorus]
Let me be your
Someone to hold you tight
Someone to make you feel alright
Everyday and night
I wish I was your someone
Someone to hold you when you're weak
Someone to make you feel complete
Everyday and night
I wish I was your someone

Don't you know I will go
If you show that I can break through

It feels extreme when you dream and you scream
When you love someone

If you feel that strong
Can you see you're the one

[Chorus]

And I hold you tight
Still on my mind
I can't stand to live without you
And I can't forget you
where ever you are
Still on my mind

[Chorus]

Someone to hold you tight
Someone to make you feel alright
Everday and night
I wish I was your someone

I Miss You - DHT

Oh baby I know that I did you wrong
But I got lost along the way
And I never thought you'd walk away
But you did
And I can't cope with it

I know that I don't know what to do
With my feelings because I'm still not over you
And I'm crying from the day you walked away
And I miss you
I miss you

I know that I don't know what to do
With my feelings because I'm still not over you
And I'm crying from the day you walked away
And I miss you
I miss you

I tell my friends that I got over you
That I took your pictures off the wall
But I know there is another truth
That I miss you
That I need you

I know that I don't know what to do
With my feelings because I'm still not over you
And I'm crying from the day you walked away
And I miss you
I miss you

I know that I don't know what to do
With my feelings because I'm still not over you
And I'm crying from the day you walked away
And I miss you
I miss you

At Seventeen - DHT

I learned the truth at seventeen
that love was meant 4 beauty queens
and high school girls with clear skinned smiles
who married young and then retired
the valentines I never knew

the Friday night charades of youth
were spent on one more beautiful
at seventeen I learned the truth
and those of us with ravaged faces
lacking in social graces

desperately remained at home
inventing lovers on the phone
who called to say come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
it isn’t all it seems at seventeen

a brown eyed girl in hand me downs
whose name I could never pronounce
said - pity please the ones who serve
they only get what they deserve
the rich relationed hometown queen

marries into what she needs
with a guarantee of company
and haven for the elderly
remember those who win the game
lose the love they sought to gain

in debentures of quality and dubious integrity
their small town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
exceeds account received at seventeen
to those of us who knew the pain

of valentines that never came
and those whose names were never called
when choosing sides for basketball
it was long ago and far away
the world was younger than today

when dreams were all they gave for free
to ugly duckling girls like me
we all play the game and when we dare
to cheat ourselves at solitaire
inventing lovers on the phone

repenting other lives unknown
who call and say - come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
to ugly girls like me, at seventeen

Okay, so there were 3 songs and yeah.. THeya re awesome and I love them!! I can relate to everysong somehow and that is why I love them so much... I will explain them all later maybe.. but I am gonna get offline now so tlak to you later!!

Love yall!
♥ Missa ♥